Im Deppressed Real Bad

i do belive in some parts that are written in the bible, but some parts to me do make me ask questions to which no one i know will answer, which makes me wonder if god does exist? i suffer with deppression really bad. i have been through alot in my time and i can no longer trust anyone. iv been through different types of therapy and at the minute im going through group physcotherapy. which iv been on for 18months which to be honest iv not found to be much help as im still hurting myself. i need help badly as iv got to the point where i no longer want to live, iv felt for the last 10years about ending my life, but now things have got even worse, it seems the only happyness i will find is in death. i need help, badly. i have tryed to turn to god many times and iv found no answer. i have been abusised by my bestest mate at the time whom i called my older brother when i was 17years old, and also my cousion which happened last october. im not a bad person yet bad things happen to me all the time. i never had a propper mother as she used to hurt me, use me and blackmail me. i am really hurting inside and im deeply upset and tramastised. i have always tryed to look on the bright side of life and every day i always take in the good things in life as i dont know if it will be mylast day on earth. i have always trusted everyone i meet in life but when i try to get close to know somebody better or i try to get close to somebbody i find can not trust them after all the heartache iv been through and i end up pushing them away. i know it is a sin and i will go to hell if i do commet suicide, but maybe hell is better then living now? there is only so much one person can go through. I have got to the point in my life where ( yeah i know im only 24 but) where i have been through so much that i want my life to end. i have had enough of everything. even the mild days where i think - yeah todays not been so bad, i managed to have a laugh- they just dont get me through the norml days where i hate to be breathing. iv had deppression all my life and i dont have many happy experances, iv tryed so man routes to become what most would say 'normal' - yet is there a 'normal'? if so what is it? how do you become this? is it possible to have a life time of upset and unhappyness and become 'normal'? im on my last year now, i can feel it. i have had enough of trying and too much of this world

sweeps41 sweeps41
22-25
3 Responses Mar 28, 2009

Why cant you have children? Whats wrong? Do you think it's possible that is a part of your depresion. I was told that also before I had my first child it ended up that my tubes were just closed after they opened them I never stoped having kids untill after my triplets I got my tubes tied. They were natural no drugs or artificial production. I guess God wanted me to have eight not six because I had already planed on getting my tubes tied at six. Let me tell you a story when I found out I was having triplets one of the triplets placenta died he had no way of getting food. They said he wouldn't make it, but one of the other triplets somehow fed him and kept him alive. To this day the doctors cant explain it. I know it was God no matter what the Dr's say remember the creator make the final desion.

i do have a home with my dad and brother, but i feel homeless, as i never want to go home, i dont know why,? i would soon stay on the streets then go home. i just need to say the blind and and deaf are missing something which does make them more greatfull for the things they have. i feel i lost my mind a long time ago, and thats the one thing you did need in life to keep you going (apart from your motor fuctions that keep you moving). i have felt for many years that i am a empty shell, that im moving but there is no beat there. i want to say im very proud of you motherof8 - as i think it is so lovely that you have 8 children and i think you are great for being a single parent and having so much respondsebilty and being able to cope. i just in one way wish i could have children, as then i would be able to have one person in my life who i would be able to give all my love to and havelove from knowing i could fully trust them. but i was told a couple of years ago that i can not have children. i have always been brought up that the woman of the house stays at home and looks after the kids and house whilst the man goes out to earn the money. im moaned at all time oof the little family i have for not setterling down by now - as they dont know what i have been through and how i can not trust anybody as fear of being hurt, and how i always push people away. iv never told them that iv been abusied and beatin up. my family look down on me becuse iv not settled down and had children by now, but iv not told them that i car'nt have children, and to be honest i will never tell them. im not lie'ing to them, im just not going to tell them

Satin wants you to believe that theres no way out but it is. If you tool a look around at other circumstances that surround you. You will relize that your blessed and it's not as bad as it seems. Look at those who cant see, hear, walk. Look at those homeless just wishing they had a place to sleep or eat. When you see these things you see things aren't as bad as they seem. True youv'e been hurt and been through a lot. Yet time heals all wounds. You have to trust in our creator and reach out your hand for him. Faith in God and our saviour Jesus Christ is what will get you threw. Do you have any kids. I'm a single parent of 8, and I have up and down times but I would never kill myself or my kids. Dont life your life for today but look foward to the future. God bless and be with you.