My So-called Life
I was diagnosed with clinical depression four years ago, but looking back I think I have battled it most of my life without knowing what it was. I am on an anti-depressant that has mostly worked for me but lately there are more and more times when it doesn't. I find myself thinking that my life is basically over and I am just waiting to die. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to and that life is just a test of my ability to endure. Hardly anything is fun anymore.
I basically have no familyexcept for my niece who I am caring for since my sisters death. I have a job that I hate and am currently working 7 days a week at. It seems that all I do is work,eat, sleep, pay bills and chauffer my niece around. I don't get out at all,seldom have an adult conversation,and seldom see my few good friends because they are in similar situations . So mostly I spend my time with my cats.
I am a gay man and have been in a relationship with the same guy for 17 years. It has been good and I love him,but lately I feel like my needs are not being met, despite my trying to communicate them to him. We seldom have sex anymore, and in fact I am often not able to anyway , because of stress, medication or just old age or whatever. We are only able to be together once a week and that's just not enough.
I like people and most people seem to like me and consider me a nice guy in spite of my collosal shyness and reserve, but I find it hard to connect with people. I feel like I have nothing to offer.
I could go on and on but I won't.