Life Can Seem So Empty

I have battled with depression for as long as i can remeber, and yes ive had the councilling and the medication but stopped them about a year ago and am now trying to go it alone......even getting up in the morning can seem a daunting task, but as we all know having kids makes you get up and face the daily chores that lie ahead.......life in general just seems so empty, and no matter how hard i try i can never seem to find anything to fill the void that seems to be in my life, its as though nothing excites or interests me and i often find myself wondering why that is, am i an alien of some sort, or do other people feel as i do......im guessing that they do which in some way is a comfort, as i know now im not entirely alone.......im as yet not even sure myself why i feel like i do i just know i do......the loneliness that comes with these feelings is sometimes unbareable, although i have family and a very good friend i still feel very alone with my feelings......i have even turned to drink for comfort, (although i never drink large amounts), just enough to make me feel a little better as i find alcohol numbs the feeling of emptiness and in some way makes me feel "normal"......My family have tried to understand but seem unable to understand how i really feel.... there was one incident with my mother where she told me to "pull myself together" and became very angry at my low moods.....this wasnt her being unkind, but i guess her way of trying to snap me out of it, (which if you suffer with depression you will know this doesnt happen) i know she cares about me and i know it upsets her and other people around me to see me so unhappy, and this in turn just makes me feel even more guilty......so since then ive just learnt to hide how im really feeling and cope with this on my own.....BUT sometimes i just wish that the people around me could see inside me and see how i really feel, and know that although i love them and know they love me.... i somehow need more than what life seems to be  offering....