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To me, depression is a state that I feel that I am relegated to. When dealing with others, I just feel so detached. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety and while that is not the same thing as depression, I fall into that mood often. When you are in that state, it just feels like you are alone and in need of help to get out of that hole. Adding social anxiety into the equation makes it all the more difficult to escape it. Having dealt with it much of my life, I think that as the years go by, depression will continue to seep in like decay to the body.


It is not like I have not seeked help, because I have, it just seems like I do not have anyone to relate the situation with. Even when I relate things to other people, it seems to draw out such fake emotion that it makes me sick. It is not that I do not like to socialize, it is just that with this issue, I feel will be prejudged because of it. And when I do get along with others, I fear that I will believe that I fall into my tendency to detach from any allegiances.


I guess detachment makes me seem neutral to others. It has worked for me thus far because I hate taking sides. But in this part of life to feel the "content" feeling that I want, I have come to the conclusion that I can not stay this way. Being "Swiss" on life can make for a discontent life. While I have moved from place to place physically, I feel so stationary emotionally, like on an deserted island for so long. It has made me come to the conclusion that I need to take some action. Easier said than done. If someone can be the "lifesaver" off this rock I am on, please do. 

jol20 jol20 21-25, M 31 Responses Aug 29, 2006

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Yes I have gone through alot without support: but you will over come, reach out get the medication, talk to your doctor about a support group or person.

Depression can be a #1 killer if it is not control, I hate the feeling of being depressed because I have been there in the past. It is like a disease that needs to be undercontrol and you can not do anything about it, it also can lead to suicide, PRAY LIKE I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can very much relate to your story. About 12 years ago I was diagnosed with having social anxiety I was then advised to take the CBT program ( which didn't help my social anxiety), but did give me coping skills for my depression. I have felt so isolated and very lonely, because of finding hard to get out and socialize with other people. And since then I have been diagnosed as having difficultly leaving my home. Just this year had a major panic attack so it has made things more difficult for me. <br />
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But also can relate to when you mentioned about getting out of a hole. That is exactly how I feel like I have fallen into a deep dark hole and can't find my way out. For the last 3 months I have been seeing a good therapist who is helping me to leave my home. I don't have too many supportive people in my life just my husband who is understanding of what I am going through, but doesn't try to encourage me to go out. I find I get very depressed being at home all day. I literally don't have any friends, but just wish I had one female friend that I could talk to. I enjoy being in EP and writing my stories and sharing my experiences. <br />
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I want to let you know that you are not alone

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I think many older people suffer like you do...go to a nursing home and talk to some of them. They crave someone to talk to and you may find a purpose. I think your family would hurt if they knew how you feel. The young can be so selfish though...

Sorry I could not be of help. Maybe someone else out there has some ideas....?

Wow....I too feel detached from everyone as part of my depression. For me, though, I chose to detach myself emotionally from people because I could not take being hurt again. My heart has always been soft and compassionate toward others and I would feel their pain in empathy. But now, because I am hurting sooooooo much emotionally, I find myself pushing people away, first friends, then acquaintances, then my now separated husband , now my children even. I have become a social phobe and I hate it. But my rock/island is my only safe place right now. <br />
You say that you have been living like that for a long time and it no longer works for you?<br />
How can I stop the path I am on and have the courage to let people back into my life? I am scared right now just thinking of it. I feel the panic attack climbing up through my chest. Breathe!!!!!!!!!

Nlp can cure your depression within few sessions!<br />
I had depression too with a double personality....it was horrendous!! I can help you in get rid of it for goods and finally start to live your life in full-colours....go to mindfirst.co.uk.....and free yourself from the "blackdog"!

jol20 - I am bi-polor. When I am not extremely happy, I am suicidal. The first thing I have to absolutely do, is take my meds, further I attempt to have a healthy balanced diet (I did say attempt).<br />
I feel better about me and my life when I give to others. I get up in the morning and force myself to think for 15 min, of someone I know that may need something. Small things, I don't use money, I give hugs, and love, and smiles to strangers, and for every little thing I gave, I gained a little love for myself, now I LOVE myself, and like I said the other day to someone here, .... the up's are now more frequent, and the down's are a bit more tolerable.

you know I think the biggest problem is being afraid of what people think of you, after many years of battling with the same problems, I've come to realize that it's them not me, and hey! if you don't like me or except me the way I am tuff luck, your the one loosing out on a real neat relationship, good by to self inward anger hello to freedom!!!!!!

I am bi-polar and feel the way you do from time to time. i wish you well and will keep you in my prayers

i have had severe anxiety since age 15 and i am now 58. i only have it off and on but sometimes it creeps up on me suddenly and at times it is a gradual thing. i did not know what was going on with me back then in the 60's because i don't think they had a name for these things yet. i didn't know what de-realization was. i didn't feel real part of my high school years and then i hot married in sept. 1969 to a wonderful man. we have been married 38 years. he has been supportive all these years. i went through life as if nothing was wrong but a couple of times through the years i took myself to the hospital only to be told that i have the flu or something, haha. i was frustrated most of the time because i didn't know what i was going through. in feb. 2001, my husband took me to the hospital and i had a few tests and they were all normal, no brain tumors or anything. for a few weeks i just layed on my couch because i literally could not sit up at times. i was totally afraid to take a shower or even walk around my house. i feared panic all the time. anyway i went to one doctor in feb. 2001 and he tested me for mental problems and said i was fine. he set me up for an appointment with a phyciatrist and he prescribed 10 mg paxil and a little pill to go under my tougue for instant anxiety. i was not on that little pill for long before i started to get better. i was doing ok until march of 2006 when i suddenly had a panic attack and gradually the de-realization feeling came on. then i became real bad like i was not even in my own body. i don't know how else to describe the feeling. i called it a "terror feeling". of course i thought of dying but i don't believe in taking my or anyone elses life no matter how bad i feel. i am a christian and i trully believe that God has put me through all of this for His reason. my thoughts and ways are not His. i feel closer to Jesus than i ever have. He is the onlt One who will never fail me or leave me. i am now on 40 mg of paxil a day and 1 mg of xanax 3 times a day. i was taking ambein but i don't need to anymore because i am sleeping great. xanax is a good sleep aid for me. it is now Feb. 25, 2008 and i am doing good most of the time. the only thing that gets me down sometimes is my hip arthritis, but i try not to cpmplain about any pain. Jesus gave me the greatest gift anyone can receive in this life , salvation by faith in Jesus alone, no religion, no addition, just Jesus. That's all each person needs to go to heaven.

i have had severe anxiety since age 15 and i am now 58. i only have it off and on but sometimes it creeps up on me suddenly and at times it is a gradual thing. i did not know what was going on with me back then in the 60's because i don't think they had a name for these things yet. i didn't know what de-realization was. i didn't feel real part of my high school years and then i hot married in sept. 1969 to a wonderful man. we have been married 38 years. he has been supportive all these years. i went through life as if nothing was wrong but a couple of times through the years i took myself to the hospital only to be told that i have the flu or something, haha. i was frustrated most of the time because i didn't know what i was going through. in feb. 2001, my husband took me to the hospital and i had a few tests and they were all normal, no brain tumors or anything. for a few weeks i just layed on my couch because i literally could not sit up at times. i was totally afraid to take a shower or even walk around my house. i feared panic all the time. anyway i went to one doctor in feb. 2001 and he tested me for mental problems and said i was fine. he set me up for an appointment with a phyciatrist and he prescribed 10 mg paxil and a little pill to go under my tougue for instant anxiety. i was not on that little pill for long before i started to get better. i was doing ok until march of 2006 when i suddenly had a panic attack and gradually the de-realization feeling came on. then i became real bad like i was not even in my own body. i don't know how else to describe the feeling. i called it a "terror feeling". of course i thought of dying but i don't believe in taking my or anyone elses life no matter how bad i feel. i am a christian and i trully believe that God has put me through all of this for His reason. my thoughts and ways are not His. i feel closer to Jesus than i ever have. He is the onlt One who will never fail me or leave me. i am now on 40 mg of paxil a day and 1 mg of xanax 3 times a day. i was taking ambein but i don't need to anymore because i am sleeping great. xanax is a good sleep aid for me. it is now Feb. 25, 2008 and i am doing good most of the time. the only thing that gets me down sometimes is my hip arthritis, but i try not to cpmplain about any pain. Jesus gave me the greatest gift anyone can receive in this life , salvation by faith in Jesus alone, no religion, no addition, just Jesus. That's all each person needs to go to heaven.

I hate myself I dont want to be here to be honest. I have melasma a skin condition which a few women get after pregnancy and I have al dark patches round my face, had laser treatment and this had made it worse, my eyes are darker than my face and I hate the way I look, I am ugly I dont want to be here. If anyone wants to chat be great to here from you.

'It is not like I have not seeked help, because I have, it just seems like I do not have anyone to relate the situation with. Even when I relate things to other people, it seems to draw out such fake emotion that it makes me sick. It is not that I do not like to socialize, it is just that with this issue, I feel will be prejudged because of it.'<br />
<br />
I feel in a very similar way. I'd be happy if I could talk with you and with the people who posted comments here. If anyone wants to talk please feel welcome to message me.

I have suffered for years with issues dealing with anxiety, stress, sadness, and depression. I have been diagnosed as being mildly bi-polar. My official diagnosis is dysthimic disorder.<br />
<br />
My first really bad experience was a job I had when other coworkers wanted me to go along with them in an argument with the boss. I could not in good conscience do that. My boss had to leave later in the day, so once my boss was gone one of my coworkers approached my desk. I was basically told what an a**hole I was and that everybody hated me. I sat at my desk and started crying and shaking. The worst part was that I had to stay there and deal with the public. I tried to keep it together while I was with a customer, but once I was by myself I went to the restroom and started having a nervous breakdown. I ended up leaving and called my doctor on my cell phone. He refered me to a psychologist and called in a prescription for Xanax. That was in late 1995 or early 1996. I left that job in late 1998.<br />
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I continued seeing my psychologist into early 1997. I got married later that year. The person I thought I knew became a totally different person. She had her own issues with sexual abuse as a child that she never faced. She became angry at the drop of a hat. One time she told me that she wanted to bash me in the head with a baseball bat and she didn't know why. We divorced in 1999 and began seeing my psychologist again. I tried to get her to go so she could get her issues addressed.<br />
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Things got better again for a while. In late 2002, my anxiety started again. I had fallen really hard for someone at work. She was not interested in me, which was fine. What was not fine was a couple of coworkers teasing her. That led her to reaming me out for no reason and then not talking to me, other than saying hi, for the next three months. On the days that she wouldn't even say hi to me, I became very angry and would slam things down on my work area and yell. Before she left that employer I approached her privately with a very lengthy written apology that I stuck inside a going away card and gave it to her. When she asked me why I didn't give the card to her in front of everyone else, I started to break down and started uncontrollably crying. I told her through my tears that I promised myself that I would never embarrass her again. The following day she had talked to me more than she had the previous three months. From the day that she chewed me out, I cried every day for nearly a year and drank a lot.<br />
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I was in therapy and tried lots of different medications (including Effexor, Depakote, Risperdal, Lisinopril for high blood pressure, and most likely some others that I don't remember). Nothing could shake that emptiness inside of me. My father passed away a year and a half later and that added to my depression.<br />
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My work really depresses me. I'm to the point that I don't even want to be there anymore, but it pays extremely well and has some good benefits. I don't want to give those up, but I can't stand being around my coworkers and my bosses.<br />
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A couple of years ago, while I was in a drunken and depressed state of mind, I posted some comments on a personal blog about the two coworkers who had teased this woman two and a half years earlier. Those comments could have been interpreted as threats against them, which was not my intention. I was drunk, tired, depressed, and crying my eyes out when I wrote that post. Several months later, my employer investigated that blog post. I could have lost my job, but my bosses knew and appreciated what a good worker I was and what a horrible worker one of those two people were. As a matter of fact, one of the two has been known to lie and has played the race card when discipline was issued against her. My bosses never really bothered to pay any compliments to me. Once I heard their opinions of me, I started to cry.<br />
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I work with a family member at this job. One day he came over to my house and proceeded to read me the riot act. He said he was approaced by this coworker and told him that she had no idea what I was talking about. So this person lied again, this time to my relative. The problem was he bought her side of the story. I talked to him the next day very briefly. After that day, I have not talked to him. It's been nearly a year and a half since I talked to him. I never want to talk to him again. He stuck his nose into something that was not his business, especially since the whole incident was settled several months earlier. Worse yet, he took the word of a known liar over his own flesh and blood family. As a matter of fact, I have a letter written to him that he will receive once I'm dead that tells him exactly what I think of him.<br />
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The final straw that has broken the camel's back was another romance gone bad. I was interested in someone I met at a part time job I have. She seemed like she was interested in me. A misunderstanding took place that led me to drink heavily that night and take four high blood pressure pills. I was trying to kill myself. The next day, I found out the truth about everything and felt like a complete jerk. I was meaning to apologize to her and wanted to do so outside of work. She was uncomfortable about it and didn't want to talk to me. That led me right back to my past problems, including high school, when women I was interested in would ignore me when they figured out I was interested in them. Having run out of alcohol the night before, I took out eight high blood pressure pills with the intention of overdosing. I took two, got scared, and put the rest back in the bottle.<br />
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I'm on three medications for depression and I feel hopeless. I don't think there's any amount of medicine or therapy that will help me. I hate feeling this way. I'll be at peace once I'm dead. That day isn't coming soon enough for me.

You have know idea how much this hits home.<br />
You just word exceptionally well.<br />
I have battled this same thing for a long time.<br />
It's like your afraid to get around people because I think most of the time their going to have tons of negative things to say,you know?<br />
I'm a preachers wife and when I'm in those moods,<br />
like just leave me alone kind of mood.<br />
But I have to fight it as hard as it is.<br />
You know it says in the word of God that.<br />
"WE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STRENGTHS US."<br />
Girl you can do it!<br />
If you want to comment on this I'll be available.<br />
Just remember your not alone on this.<br />
I'm your friend in the Lord.<br />
But above all of these things that I have mentioned to you<br />
Doesn't even compare to what God can do and will do if you would just let him.<br />
Stop fighting with in yourself it won't work believe me I know what I'm telling you little sister.<br />
Your so precious in his eyes.<br />
Just remember that you are very very special!!!!!!<br />
<br />
My Little Sister Be Encouraged!

Sounds like something I go through a lot. I have to say I hate putting energy into relationships. There's always more drama. The good part about drama though, is that there are highs eventually. I used to just stay at home and not want to be around people, but lately I decided to put as much energy as I can into the people around me. I feel like I'm actually thawing out for once.

I wish I knew how you were feeling. One of my closest girlfriends in life shot herself in the head with a riffle back in September 2007. My other girlfriend died from cancer in August 2007. I'm 40 years old and have only had 3 true friends in life. <br />
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Ever since September, I have felt so lonely and have felt as if there's truly no one out there who know's me or knows the person I am. Although I have been married for almost 6 years now, my husband doesn't commuinicate with me at all, adding more lonliness to my life. <br />
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My only true wish is that I would have been there more for my girlfriend who suffered from depression. I really want to understand this because I feel that it's a huge part of my life ever since September and I don't know how to break out of this feeling. I too suffer from social anxiety disorder, but have always partied so I wouldn't feel that way. This is not the route I want to take now, so maybe we can help eachother... email me back if you want to.

I relate to your experience in a great way, and it's complicated and simple at the same time. That's because this whole social issue is a product of the chaotic system we all live in. Anyone who isn't bothered by some kinds of social interactions is someone with weak perception. You're clearly on the privileged group of people in terms of intelligence. That should be a starting point when dealing with hanging out with friends, etc. Do you drink at all?? As long as you have good self-control in terms of health, beer is a wonderful way to spend time chatting and kicking back with people. It's an easy-going alcoholic drink, considering you're at the legal age, it helps. <br />
Now the real deal I've come to understand is that there's a kind of mask you use, when say, at moments where you notice social uneasyness (say the conversation comes to a hault or whatever), take yourself back to the knowledge that you are smart. Start an inner laughter at the person. This inner laughter is a way to mock the social situation, not necessarily the person you're socializing with. It's a call to freedom from the materialistic world we are subjected to. It builds a perception of mockery of the social scene and it's states of 'wannabe cool', etc. Chatting is always fun, especially about subjects you enjoy. And the truth is you'll meet several new people who will clearly judge you, you'll notice by the way they look at you. Instead of retreating into yourself, analyze the way they ridiculously try to measure you up. Realize that what they're doing is trying to make themselves feel better, they don't care if you feel worse. They have their own problems, and by judging you through their idiotic (and wrong) beliefs, they find comfort. When you notice that, and it shouldn't be so often (but that doesn't matter), make sure you start a solid inner laughter as you study their weak, sad, immature and litterally dumb approach to you. It's interesting to actually make it clear that you've noticed their judging, and don't say a thing. All you have to do is study their weak judging and there you will see its sad stupidity, which will bring you a smile and also do the following; as you smirk at their 'wannabe better' posture, squint your eyes at them as if in disbelief that they actually part of the group of dumbasses who think there's such a thing as one person better than the other. I believe in ideas of the afterlife and all, and that can be applicable and helpful in all these ideas, but not necessarily. The truth is life is that those who are sensitive (in other words, have better perception=smarter overall) to the problems of the world suffer more. When you're kicking back with friends, it's your time off from such problems. As you dwelve on subjects, mundaine or deep, it's fun because conversations go at least a little past such judgements. A person might maintain a silly judging posture, but you can keep observing that. The fact is the conversation itself will benefit you, since you own a strong vocabulary, and make sure to really think of the subjects of which you speak. That are the keys to an easy going social time. I could go on for pages and pages, so if you find this helpful and want some more ideas, I'll be glad to develop on this. If it doesn't help you at all, do tell me how and why and I can try to give you ideas that will fit to your situation. All the best 2ya!!

I feel like I was reading my own story....

how about you read my story call Depression: the cure within or som lik dat... I hope it is some help to you.

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this without hte support you really need. We are all here for you. You are not alone.

I don't know where to start! I am 62 years old, and I have been married for almost 40 years. I am bi-polar, and have been in and out of mental hospitals about ten times. I take so many perscription drugs that I cant count them all. I have six children and eight grand kids. I am thankful for them all. my eldest daughter killed herself when she was twenty. This tragity among many others in my family have taken a big toll on my life and everyone in my family. my family are so sick of me and my depression that they will hardly talk to me. I have two daughters in law that do not talk to me. We can be at family gatherings, and they will talk to and hugg everyone in the room, but I must have leprosy (sp). I love them,but this hurts so bad that I gan't stand it any more. I had about 35 shock treatments that ended in February this year. That was very hard, but I don;t think it helped me very much I have a musuclar diese, and am in a power wheel chair. I am going blind and think of dying or killing myself every day. I don't know how long i can go on with this life.<br />
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I feel so lost and alone in my life. Why try to get any better, it does not work. I know how painful suiside is, but I pray each day that I will just die, and stop being a problem. LCM

I feel that I have a lifeline here. At times it is a harsh realization of how chronic it can get. I sympathize with anyone going through any of this.

Hi, I've suffered depression on and off, since my teens. With me I have chronic complex post traumatic stress disorder and am dd nos (dissociative disorder). I have encountered extreme feelings of alienation since early childhood. I have only in the last two or three years started to discuss my issues of the last few decades with a counsellor. This is, for me a great safety net, especially because although I have tried sharing a little tiny bit of what I experience with my family and a couple of friends, but there is little understanding, empathy and connection because they don't seem to experience anything like the same themselves. <br />
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These chat rooms can be a good place to start, counselling and/or other forms of therapy can be very beneficial. Drugs work well for some people, but these often tend to work best in conjunction with therapy/ counselling. The most effective thing for me so far has been eft, emotional freedom technique and emdr (eye movement de-sensitisation and re-processing). <br />
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The EFT is well worth looking at and can be cheap (the initial manual is free on download), it has it's own community forums, newsletters, etc.. There are dvd courses available, therpapists to work with, e-courses and more. EFT has done more for me than drugs. My difficulty has been self-discipline - i.e. doing enough of the EFT regularly enough. <br />
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Anyways that's enough for now, hope you read it jol and/or that someone reads this and finds it interesting or of some use. Best wishes......................and don't forget..........in sanity we find madness, and in madness we find sanity.

I suffer post traumatic stress syndrome. I also have severe depression, possibly bi-polor ( I have depression that goes from a little to severe .) I also have panic attacks and am agoraphobic. It is not easy finding the right people that you can relate to. I also have times that I am feeling disconnected ( like I am not part of anything around me.). It is a hard road to travel but I keep trying to deal with this. I am using baby steps to try to get through all of this. There is always hope. Don't give up. There are really people out there or in here that can relate to how you are feeling. Even if we are ot going through what you are we are here for you.

i feel the same way

i now know the same feeling 10 years with depression medication helping me by but when on my own i hate it feeling negative not wanting to do house hold chores every day is a struggle

My therapist told me to get some physical activity. I don't really enjoy getting up at five AM to go swimimng but I feel more alive. One big problem that I have is that I know what I should be doing but I rather close in on myself where I am in a cocoon. It feles good initially but eventually I'm down in the dumps.

You say you have seeked help yet do not mention what you have done.<br />
<br />
May i ask if you have taken medication, or spoken to a doctor regarding these feelings?<br />
<br />
Depression such as this is often linked to a chemical imbalance rather than a specific event and this can be rectified with the proper medication.