To me, depression is a state that I feel that I am relegated to. When dealing with others, I just feel so detached. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety and while that is not the same thing as depression, I fall into that mood often. When you are in that state, it just feels like you are alone and in need of help to get out of that hole. Adding social anxiety into the equation makes it all the more difficult to escape it. Having dealt with it much of my life, I think that as the years go by, depression will continue to seep in like decay to the body.
It is not like I have not seeked help, because I have, it just seems like I do not have anyone to relate the situation with. Even when I relate things to other people, it seems to draw out such fake emotion that it makes me sick. It is not that I do not like to socialize, it is just that with this issue, I feel will be prejudged because of it. And when I do get along with others, I fear that I will believe that I fall into my tendency to detach from any allegiances.
I guess detachment makes me seem neutral to others. It has worked for me thus far because I hate taking sides. But in this part of life to feel the "content" feeling that I want, I have come to the conclusion that I can not stay this way. Being "Swiss" on life can make for a discontent life. While I have moved from place to place physically, I feel so stationary emotionally, like on an deserted island for so long. It has made me come to the conclusion that I need to take some action. Easier said than done. If someone can be the "lifesaver" off this rock I am on, please do.