My Mask

I worked in customer service for over 10 years.  People say I am very personable....friendly....smiles easily, but they don't see what is going on inside me.

I feel like a part of me is decaying.  My potential to be energized and experience true happiness seem to be slipping away.  Optimism is turning to pessimism.  Getting up in the morning for work is getting harder and harder. 

If you're a stranger walking down the street, you might hear me curse underneath my breath as I express my frustrations at life.  But if you're my friend or coworker, you only see my mask.

I want to yell at the top of my lungs to shake this feeling out of me.  I want to go to a yoga class to heal.  I need to do something to fix this before the pressure causes irrevocable damage. 

I battle this every day and I worry I am losing.

Bayside Bayside
26-30, M
2 Responses Feb 6, 2007

Don't hide. I wore a mask for a very long time (I never smiled because when I was 14-15 I got bullied because I always smiled) but it feels good to open up yourself to the people closest to you. They won't judge you, they will feel compassionate.

I tend to be alot like you. It's not easy to live this way but I am thankful for everyday I have because I've lost people at young ages who were close to me. I think they may be trying to tell me something. "We are on a journey and we need to continue it, no matter how painful. There is a reason."