Days of Darkness

Daily I wake up and wonder what my part in this world is. I battle with the thoughts of ending my life since I feel that I do not matter to anyone. Every friend I have ever had has abandoned me or taken advantage of me. The only thing that keeps me going is to be here for my daughter. But she will be 18 in a couple years and after that I won't have any use here on this earth.

I struggle daily, as I have for the majority of my life. I have self medicated my depression in the past and now take prescribed meds from my Dr. However it still doesn't help me on most days. I'm tired of depending on meds to make me feel better and just can't fathom the energy to go on most days.

I feel as though my life will come to an end soon as my daughter turns 18 and then no one will need me anymore. I sit and cry as I write this. To be completely useless on this earth hurts but I have to face the fact that I am just that...useless.

vancouvermom2009 vancouvermom2009
46-50, F
2 Responses Jun 7, 2009

you are important to this planet you may not relize it as you go through the stress of his day feeling like you are <br />
but if you try to read positive books and watch positive shows you can unveil your calling <br />
I pray that you try this and go to the web and get the movie called the Secret by Rhonda Byrne<br />
and try head phones with great up lifting Music

Dear Vancouvermom2009:<br />
<br />
I too have suffered from depression for most of my life. The feelings of hopelessness can be unbearable. I also have self medicated in conjunction with prescribed meds. I don't know if you have ever considered this... but I have discovered that 1. The depression is not my fault! it is the result of outside influences and internal chemestry. and 2. it is OK to be depressed. I dont feel its going to completely go away, so I accept it as a part of my life and deal with it daily. Some days are far better than others, but I take them one day at a time. I have found that by doing this, I plan on being around one more day, then the day after that and so on. Please dont hide from your feelings nor hide them from others. Your support group starts with you and builds from there. Rely on your daughter for she relies on you!!! she loves you and will need you forever. I'm possitive that she is not alone. Take it from someone who, growing up, never thought he would reach this age. Now that I'm here, I'm gonna stick around to see where this crazy story goes. You should too. life is an adventure full of drama and intrigue. Hang in there with us! together, we can prove all the world is nuts!!! :)