I should start off by telling you that I have had a lot of things happen in the past year... when I was little my sister and I where sold for sex by our mother for drug money my sisters in an institution right now for molesting 2 little girls herself...  after my mom had been with so many guys to the point we just started calling every guy on the street our daddy she was finding worst and worst ones they started to hit us and burn us with there cigarette’s... my grandma saw this and took note and turned in and got custody over me and Brittany my sister. My grandma saved us but she also felt the pressure of she’s already done this and why is she doing this now. I got pregnant with again when I was 13 and had him when I was 14... I didn’t know I was pregnant till I was 3 months into my trimester... the guy that I did it with was 17 and I knew I was never going to see him again anyways... I had Adain April 16th 2005 7lbs 14 oz ... my big Sister from BBBS (Big Brothers and Big Sisters) had been trying to have kids for 2 years I had made the decision to hand over everything to them the most important thing in my life. he’s two now and I'm Aunty Christi I told my sister I didn’t want him to know until I'm ready and feel like I can explain to him why I did what I did... by having Adain the town of Kalispell MT had heard all about me and had in there mind that I was a ****. So we moved to Salem Oregon my Grandma and I were banging heads allot when we first moved here I hated it! I started doing drugs and getting involved in the scene.  Then my dad wanted to join in on my life my dad is a 43 year old drug dealer just great right? So I would go to Portland party get money and steal wed and sell it to all my friends. My grandma found out about he drugs and kicked me out  I moved in with my friend Nicole and her mom I stayed with them for a month or so then I moved in with some drug addicts that were so bad it was horrible. I decided I was done with drugs and alcohol. And have been clean sense I signed up for job corps and that’s were I am right now it’s been good ill be done in a month and have my GED, HSD, and Training. Im one of the lucky ones I’m also on Lexipro and very happy with It I was on Prozac then it wore out so I had to find something different…


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18 Responses Sep 7, 2006

I can't say I know how you feel because it must have been way worse than a rough time you've been going through.

My childhood wasn't so pretty either. I got molested repeatedly by my two step brothers, no one knew about it and I hate how my father praises them all the time, I learned how to forgive though even though I know they ruined a part of my childhood. My parents weren't very sweet themselves. My dad was an alcoholic who would beat me until I broke a bone for something that's not even worth yelling about like being 10 minutes late from school. So, I've been abused and molested a lot as a kid.

When I was thirteen, my dad banned me loving a girl or dating her, but there was this girl I really loved and when dad found out he abused me daily for two weeks, and ban me from having any social life than when he got sick of that he told me he never wants to talk to me because I'm an disgrace. Since, that day my dad feels ashamed being close to me or even talking to me. He hated me.

I've forgiven my family for what they done, I wish they'd forgive me. The only person I loved in my life and who always been there for me and supported me was my mum. I have to say she abused me twice when I was a kid but ended up regretting it by the years and tried making it up for me, and she ended up being a great mother and my best friend.

Even if I forgave what they did to me, I can't forget. The memories won't stop haunting me everyday. I tried talking about it, It didn't help.

My mom passed away last summer, and since that day I was alone. No one. Just me.

hearing your story has helped me realize that im not the only one suffering. I'm 21 now not doing anything with my life and have started experimenting with heroin and have a big drink problem, I could end up homeless again and live in a horrible area where im under threat and constantly having things stolen from me. I dont know how I ended up falling this far, but now I know I still have a chance. Thankyou

after my real dad walk out on us when i was 5 my real mom had just lost her job an needed help so she start sex with guys for money then it got to drugs then just money for drugs an she just abandon me. i was in foster system an got abuse sexual physical an other abuse too. i got depression an problems in school alot plus idk how to love people. i always think sex is love but now im learning is not same thing. i dont have any friends just my new fam thatadopted me an move me out tha hell i was in. it save my life really. im lucky too. i tried to do suicide so many times i never really told anybody exactly how many times tho its embrassing to me. I know u are a very strong person an i know ur son is in a good place. u made a good decision cause he in good hands an it let you get yourself right so u can live right an try be normal life u know. i really admire u an i hope ur sister get help she needs cause i know bout abuse like that it mess up ur head forever an change how u see tha world an urself. im really glad u made it an are so strong i really like reading stories like this with good endings cause it make me think my life will have a good ending too an maybe i can make it to 18 or like even 30 without depression an anxiety killing me. i still got bad nightmares bout abuse stuff i got an bullies at school but im hope my life will be real good like your is right now cause i think you gonna be real good success story for everyone to hear bout :) thx for post this story!

"Do not waste time on trivial pursuits. Give over your time to the daily pursuit of Oneness through the medium of whatever creates the most joy in your life. When you begin to live from that center of the Universe, all Fears diminish."<br />

you are such an inspiration to girls matter what happens in life..we need to know that we cannot give up! You are an amazing girl!

I have to say that after reading your story my problems and my depression seem very simple. I am happy for you that you are helping yourself to a better life than you have had and I hope that you will stay strong on your journey. I think your baby will understand totally why you did what you did when the time comes to know.

People are so dependent on drugs to solve their issues nowadays. I guess that's the easy way out. I have a very simple piece of advice for you...>>>>> the past is the past!<br />
I see it is effecting your future because you are letting it. That's the person you invented for yourself. Until you are ready to drop that person that likes in the past you will never be happy. Sorry so blunt but you only live once...let it go. Look forward to tomorrow. Embrace it. You have work to do. Drugs of any kind are not the answer.

People are so dependent on drugs to solve their issues nowadays. I guess that's the easy way out. I have a very simple piece of advice for you...>>>>> the past is the past!<br />
I see it is effecting your future because you are letting it. That's the person you invented for yourself. Until you are ready to drop that person that likes in the past you will never be happy. Sorry so blunt but you only live once...let it go. Look forward to tomorrow. Embrace it. You have work to do. Drugs of any kind are not the answer.

People are so dependent on drugs to solve their issues nowadays. I guess that's the easy way out. I have a very simple piece of advice for you...>>>>> the past is the past!<br />
I see it is effecting your future because you are letting it. That's the person you invented for yourself. Until you are ready to drop that person that likes in the past you will never be happy. Sorry so blunt but you only live once...let it go. Look forward to tomorrow. Embrace it. You have work to do. Drugs of any kind are not the answer.

Wow! Truly amazing…You give me the strength to face up to my problems.

Hi - I am a survivor of the "child sex industry" myself; I know just how deep the hurt can run. Life is tough, but you are tougher. A crappy childhood CAN be overcome. Good for you for getting clean and sober! I wish you all the best life has to offer. Blessed Be.

I congratulate you for getting through this. We have very similar stories. I was on Prozac as well, but it didn't work for me, so I also switched to Lexapro.<br />
Please feel free to talk to me if you ever need someone to listen to.

Lovetolearn1234, your story is an insperational one. I have to say that I disagree with comprehensive2 on some issues... But this is my opinion. Why someone molests children, or abuses drugs is probably because that is what they grew up with and that is all they know. They haven't been taught any different. They haven't been taught the difference. Eventhough they know that their actions cause pain to themselves and to others, they probably have it in their heads that it is the right thing to do, that it is normal to feel this kind of pain. You can only teach what you have learned. If you look at the background and childhood of many molesters, drug users, and even murderers you will more then likely find out that they grew up in abusive homes. It is a shame that you made a few wrong choices lovetolearn1234, but don't let anyone tell you that it is your fault for doing so. Everybody in the world makes wrong choices at some point in their life, nobody is perfect. In this situation, both of your parents are completely responsible for your wrong doings by being completely irresponsible during your childhood and for raising you totally inapropriately. It is such a relief to hear that you are smart enough and courageous enough to stand up for yourself and take control of your own life. There should be more people like you in the world.

I understand your story so much its so close to mine. My parents are the same and i live with me grandmother but we are almost always in fights i just cant keep anyone happy. My little brother is in an institution for moelesting 2 little boys. I have never shared that with anyone before and im scared to death for myself. Im glad your life has turned around and things are going better. Its a miracle and it just goes to show you never gave up completely.

It is deplorable what happened with you and your sister and it's solely your mothers fault however, as you got older and your granmother tried to help you why didn't YOU make better choices? After what you all had been through and seeing what drugs and prostitution had done to your lives before what would make you follow down that same path? I can't understand that. Your sister made the choice to molest those children and although I feel bad for what happened to her when she was a child she should have felt bad about it to and NOT have put another innocent child through that. If anything it should have made her not want to hurt another one. It's good that you finally managed to pick your self up and get on the right path. The things that you went through after your grandma got you wouldn't have happened if you'd done right by her for her efforts and appreciated what she did for you and your sister. You were showing how ungrateful you were to her when you got pregnant and then did the drugs and alcohol. I commend her for standing by you and your sister but do you? Have you ever thanked her for taking you out of the bad situation that your mother put you into? It's good that you are finishing job corps it is a GOOD program. I believe that you will do well in the military. Have you considered joining the Navy or Air Force? You are a drug user and if you get back out into society you could end up right back on that path. It wasn't so long ago you know. You NEED a change and I think going into the service will really help you keep going forward into a bright and better future. Seriously consider this. Don't let anyone deter you from going. YOU decide what YOU want because YOU are the one who will have to live with your decision. If you want your son to have pride in his mother beyond your getting drug free and joining job corps then go into the military. Yes I am a veteran and I am a better person for having been there myself.

It enrages me that you had to surpass all of those horrible events in your life.<br />
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I am so happy to hear that you are improving your life situations. If you ever need a listening ear let me know.

Hi I am really sorry to hear about the awful year you have had, but am so pleased for you that things are on the up and you have done so well turning your life around and well done with all you are achieving. I have not been on anti depressants but have been on diazapam for a long while now due to family problems starting a long time ago when my son was born 13 weeks early and my insensitive husband after one day of him being in special care was going to arrange a funeral in case , I thought give him a chance for ghrist sake he is now fine but has mild cerebal palsy and brighter than me on a computer. But this last year has been hell,not comparable to what you have suffered but I do understand xmas my husband working away in the middle east supppose to be arning more money to finish out house came home and said I ve given 600 dollars to a Russian girl I felt sorry for and we are only friends (I thought yeah right) and got so down as he would not even get me a xmas present I started drinkin more than I should and I was already drinking too much really but to me it covered up or I thought it did a bad marriage.But it does not help it just blots it out for a while, so my doctor put me on diazapam as I used to be so on a nervous edge when he came home weekends when working away in uk let alone abroad, he would always make nasty comments and any courses I did were useless he said but one actually came into its own today as I gave first aid to a collpsed elerly lady in town and sign languaged to a guy on the bus and have taken and passed phycology even though I am partially sighted. I m thinking of doing a language so I could maybe be an interreter which my eyes would not be a problem,I m waiting to go to holland for stem cell surgery which I hope happens soon for my eyes. Im still on the diazapam although ~I dont know if anti depressants are more what I need as on my husbands return the first thing he said as he came through the door after 21 years of being together was I met a girl in the last week of being away and I want a divorce. Huge shock, I ve got over the upset part now and am feeling angry with him at the lack of interest he shows in his son and totally ignores him and is constantly talking to her and swearing to him to get our of the spare room. Its like living on eggshells and I still get really edgy but am determined not to show it and be strong and not take his bullying tactics but its hard.. Through his lack of affection through most of our marrriage if you can call it that with him away for about 5 years althogether has been him nit picking most things are my fault even if they are nt it got so bad I was to depressed to eat and went down to just under 6 stone and drinking as well bad combination. But I m sure that s what he hoped for so he could say I was unreasonable but I think he started my eating problem off which escalated as I felt worthless but am starting to feel better about myself now. I just look forward to his new girl whos is half his age to get her visa they are going to have to stay in our family home for a few weeks which is going to be a nightmare but I m determined to cope and hopefully it will all be over soon and I can start a new life as I ve lost a lot oof friends due them not liking him or him getting crabby if I went out with them. So I really hope this will be a turning point for me like you have got on the path to. I think you are very brave and so very honest which is rare now and have nothing to be ashamed of at all, none of this was your fault annd I admire you immensely for how you are coming through all this and the achievments you have made you should be patting yourself on the back and I hope people are praising you for what you have accomplished. Good luck to you and all the best kindest regards and hope to hear from you at some time. Take care paula

It's amazing that you managed to reform your life with such disadvantages in your childhood. How are you doing now?