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The Great Flood

 I build a wall around my emotions constantly to hold make the ever increasing saddness, tears, hurt, pain, and anger. I am always having to add another level to the wall. I have to keep the height rising higher, higher, and higher. All the little things that I see, all the little things people say, are just like another rain drop (tear drop rather) behind that wall. Adding stress to the fragile mortar holding the wall together. The more that happens, the more upset I get. The more upset I get, the higher the wall goes. The higher the wall goes, The weaker the foundation gets. Until one day, when that wall has had enough, The pressure builds. The mortar weakens. Then it cracks. The water behind that great wall begins to leak through those cracks. Then out of nowhere, the wall crumbles. Letting out a angry fury of water. Washing over everything in site. Tearing down everything in its path. Leaving behind nothing but broken fragments of what once was. Then after those waters reseed. I slowly begin to pick up the pieces. Ever so slowly begin to restore my heart. And begin to rebuild the wall. And wait...Wait for the rain to fall again. As I know it will. Try to keep up the building pace with the constant rise of the waters. Try to make the wall thicker, more resistant. Try to make it water tight, so the next blow out wont be as bad.Knowing that it is very unlikely that will happen. Scared that with each break it will be that much harder to rebuild.All the while wishing the wall would fall ON me instead of all around me...

fmjm1123 fmjm1123 22-25 1 Response Jul 9, 2009

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Wow, your decription is so accurate. You've just blown me away, as you've written my story! It never goes away completely and it is a debilitating and scary condition which many don't understand, but please don't give up hope. You may feel alone, but there are so many of us who are or have been as desperate as you are right now. Please try to open up to a professional and those close to you. It's scary trusting them with your innermost fears and weaknesses and to have the faith that they will be able to help and not walk away from you ... but it really can help. I am here for you if you want to talk / share experiences.