5 Things Not to Say to the Depressed.

1. Cheer up, turn that frown upside down, think happy thoughts !!

We are of course happy that the solution to our misery is as simple as turning it off and smiling .. why didn't we think of this ourselves? .. oh that's right cos its utter rubbish. Comments like this deserve incarceration for those dumb enough to utter them.

2. Perhaps god is testing you !!

Contrary to popular belief there is NO comfort in thinking your god is killing off your relationships and / or relatives just to see where your snapping point is. If god is testing us its by sending you !!!

3. oh John Smith has much more to be depressed about than you .. cheer up.

Unless John Smith is your airplane pilot and he's thinking of ending it all with a huge fiery bang .. his pain is not ours and we've got some self loathing and misery to get on with.

4. It's all in your head ..

Yes it is all in our heads ... unfortunately WE are also in there and its a little crowded and the curtains are drawn.

5. Buck up little camper it will all be better tomorrow.

No it wont be better tomorrow in fact it could possibly be worse even a lot worse or AAARGH I don't want to think what the future holds.

Mostly we end up feeling isolated and lonely and think every-one is avoiding us ... this is because every-one avoids us and we end up isolated and lonely.

The best thing you can do is pop a couple of Xanax sit quietely on the couch nearby and nod your head dreamily from time to time while letting the depressed person vent the swirling mass thats been trapped in our heads ... eventually even we get bored of hearing it and we'll have to go out for ice-cream ... but with the weight a little lifted.

SamOnHisSoapbox SamOnHisSoapbox
41-45, M
93 Responses Aug 11, 2009

Nothing brings me greater ease than knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way! My favorite is #3 by far. The biggest mistake made with my depression is making comparisons...

Thank you for this

Thank you! Can I copy this and send it to my family?

Besides that, many of us already smile so we don't cop inane comments such as these. And that smiling obviously hasn't helped.

Wow and yes I agree. I am so tired of hearing cheer up! If I could...I would!

I'm going through a bad relapse. Thanks for this. I don't feel so alone.

Written whilst feeling utterly wretched a few years back .. I feel like there is an irony in there somewhere ...

hats off, you deserve a cookie my friend.

I had a family member tell me to go outside.

"3. oh John Smith has much more to be depressed about than you .. cheer up."

Perfectly encapsulates both a lack of understanding of WHY depression happens (ie, it's not logical), and a lack of understanding of how a depressive's thought processes work (ie, knowing that John Smith has more to be depressed about, so feeling guilty about feeling depressed in the first place, so getting more depressed, so feeling MORE guilty... etc).

Plus, the icing on the cake: "cheer up". Oh, THAT'S the solution? Silly me!

Hey but what about the plane bit ;-)

i have been trying to get help with my depression for over a year now all my doctor says is exercise and change my diet and stay on my pills, well most of the time i get out of bed just long enough to get my son up and ready for school and the whole time all i can think of is getting back into bed. when his dads home from work back to bed i go, i love my son and make myself do thing just for him, or with him because i know he should be having a normal childhood. but depression is sucking most of the life out of me. i don know what to or where to go seeing my doctor isn't much help.

To be honest when the black dog of depression is baying at my door ... Exercise and a better diet will do it for me every time. add in a liberal sprinkling of sunshine for some vitamin D loving.

Depression is never just one thing .. your doctor will get you part way there .. cos if your healthy and in a good place then anything left over that is bringing you down is the problem that needs addressing ... for me exercise is the cheapest and only drug that ever works ... something to do with long periods of introspection while cycling long distances .. oh I need that again as I stuff my face with Marinara pasta ...

It never is, I have two sons, having children, you have a loyalty to them, this I understand, first come your family, we who 'suffer' depression feel acutely aware, definitely ,ashamed of it try so hard to shield them from it from it, and why the hell not, it aint no fun for any of us. My sons think I'm a little bit bit odd, but always fun .. I want to give them the best opportunity, and realistically not to try and solve what I cannot, they are doing well out there .. they know nothing of my torments the good the bad the ugly. This is what I owe to them for bringing them into this world ... I may not be able to find happiness or even contentment but what I can do is 'urge' them in the direction that I believe would give them the best chance of finding happiness themselves, yeah sure it requires a positive spin on the unspinable but they are my boys, my blood my 2 little guys I tended dirty nappies to the obnoxious moral 'life' lawyers they have become ... get up every morning and wish your boy off to school, give him the balanced moral advice that moves him always forward, compassion for the beaten down (we) and optimism for the world of compassion and human achievement that can so very easily accept no single binary view of the world and that all kinds make up this vast tapestry that is human emotions and beliefs.

Brother I've been there, I can muster enough energy for my boys and nothing left over ... Buddy, your at your lowest, but you muster the energy for your blood .. been there done that ... that's your boy and your fighting your internal despair to look out for him.

Fine work indeed .. I know what its like to fight the internal demons yet in favor of our own personal demons battle through for the sake of love ... fist bump my friend ... as ****** up as our heads may be ... we will endure whatever personal torments to see how our little guys get the best opportunities in this cruel world.

To the rest of the world .. **** em .. our kids will be awesome citizens .. no delusions, well understood about the totality of the human condition.

Mate .. years from now your kid will understand the magnitude of the struggle you went through to give him the best upbringing you can fight for.

If all you have energy for right now is getting him off to school each morning ... thats a decent win .. our depression not only destroys our hopes of 'happy family lives' but it DEMANDS that that we extend every opportunity to extend our knowledge of what has failed for us translates into what can succeed for our little guys.

Dude you and i may still find a life that gives us reason, hope and happiness. we really might .. But if we guide our boys to avoid the pitfalls and achieve a semi enlightened happiness that we missed, then how much do we rock as fathers ...

Depression is a ***** that you mask it from your boy .. kudos dude ... the power of love over self.

That's your boy aint no shame in masking what you feel for the betterment of him ...

Brother I feel your anguish ... there are a lot of ***** out in the big wide world .. but you wanna do right by your boy ... **** the mainstream .. you love your boy ... your doing alright ... ;-)

To be single and depressed is rather self indulgent, but when you got little guys depending on you .. thats a whole other realm

I'm no absolutist .. sure a 1950's style perfectly atomic family would be so 'neat' .. yeah well **** that, that aint what the majority has delivered .. get used to it .. divided families are statistically over common

Do your best, with a soft glove give em the reality of life

Right now your being a damn good dad ... you pull yourself out of your own personal misery to give to your son. I approve whole hardheartedly ... have no guilt .. naysayers are uninformed nay entitled retards.

I don't worry for you I reckon you got the right balance.

Enjoy teenager-hood yet to come .. geez those ,bundles of love, can be testing (yet amusingly challenging(yet I love the challenging of the next generation))

You love your boy and you give your all to give him the best you can do .... **** the naysayers ..... do the best for your boy .. then no matter what outsiders or the 'insiders think' **** them ... dad to dad dude ...

This is priceless. . . thanks for sharing in your thoughts. It gives us ample space to think about what's goin' on inside matters unnoticed or ignored about depression.

one i get call a lot is lazy, loser, or told i told is you need more motivation your not trying hard enough.

This is very informative. How would you suggest we help? Of course I could always do research but...

Help !! aaargh .. I do so hate that word in relation to myself ... my story way back then was .. don't help me .. I do that .. just don't exclude me cos I'm crazy ...


Beautifully expressed.

Don't knoe whether I mentioned it in my response earlier. I was hospitalized w/ major depression for the first time when I was 17. I am almost 60 now. I can't count the number of hospitalizations since. Within those years, I decided that maybe I could help somebody else, This was important to me because I had been treated by so many therapists who had never been there themselves. That's not to say they are incompetent; may helped me, but I thought therapist who was also a peer to patients woud be a big help. Today I am a Psy.D. I hope maybe I give folks a little relief. The depressive bouts are the horrors of my life. .. good luck me friend

Boy. Did you nail this one!!! dr. n and lifetime bipolar II ..... dr. n

Dude checked out your stories !!! ... I got a "mental illness" you waaay crazy LOL ... I blushed .. I feel quite prudish !!!

Thank you. Some people need to be hit over the head with these 5 simple statements. Thank you.

I know how that is! Every single time I see my mom's family they all continuously say smile or cheer up. I just want to scream shut the **** up. But I don't. Instead I cuss them out in my head.

that aint so bad you know .. infuriating at times .. but it does show they care, just not they they understand ... this I can live with .. sure I'm a little disappointed they haven't made more of an effort .. and confused why if I know all the answers why am I not solving the problem ... aargh brain seizure time

You are Brilliant

Well said!!! It's especially exasperating when they slap the word "JUST" at the beginning of their solution

Oh how we love simple words or phrases that trivialize how we feel ... set their car on fire .. and declare .. but its only a 'thing' .. be delighted as their brain implodes :-)

here's one..." I have had this cat/dog for ten years and now I have to give it up (for whatever reason)!" ....'.but it's ONLY an animal'........I'm glad that there at least two of us out here who won't dismiss the feelings/pain of others

#s 1 and 2 are the ones I hear the most. Ugh.

So true,the ones that I Hate the most are : #1 and #4

Actually the 'just smile' advice isn't bad advice at all. Smiling DOES lift your mood. It won't cure your depression, but can make you feel better for a moment. But as someone within a major episode of depression, I know how hard it can be to make that effort!


Thank you. What would you say to someone who feels guilty for feeling that she thinks she is miserable when other people are far more unhappy than she is? (Thanks so much of #3... it made me feel a little better.)

Cans are better when sailing on a boat though, Sam . *winks wickedly*

Ssssssshhhhhhhh, don't give feathered-horse-troll any more ammunition ;-)

I enjoyed reading this! Especially the last paragraph. KUDOS!

you are just lazy is one i get when on a bad day and want to do nothing

I think the worst thing anyone ever said to me about my depression is "It's okay, you're a man, and men can just turn depression off."

Duuuuuude! Every person on the planet should read this! Even the aliens on other planets! I love the frank way you put things and the subtle hint of sarcasm just made it so much awesomer. I'm lucky enough to be bipolar so I have my "ups" to make up for my "downs", but your story sure made my day! Fanx!

Sarcasm ...me ??? .. subtle ?? .. hmmm only cos the gruesome things I've considered perpetrating when 'persons' have rocked me out of my self imposed loathing with their glib fatuous one dimensional solutions would not make good reading ..

That's disgusting- I'm bipolar-

You forgot...<br />
<br />
6. If you don't mind, I have hidden my razor blades in the bathroom.

Sam, how many xanax are you up to now as you sit mindlessly staring at the ice cream melting on your belly? I guess it makes a sticky spot to stand the beer cans on later, huh?

2 points to raise oh feathered horse-like one ...

First - The 'tense' .. I'm not the one supposed to be munching the Xanax goodies ... if you re-read the last paragraph you'll see I am directing the reader to take em.

Second - and so far, by a long shot, the most offensive thing you have said to date .. re cans of beer ...

My beer always comes in bottles! .. cans are for the simple people or those that regularly buy in bulk .. if your beer is not cold and in a glass .. then as Mr Foxworthy says .. you just may be a Red Neck.

Slipped off the trolley I see. Now demons are real. Rubber room time. You can cherish all the isults in there. Sam will be next door so work on a code of banging your heads on walls as straight jackets don't let much else happen. Watch out or those demons. Perhaps the Ghost Whisperer might help you. Or a lobotony.

Another one I get frequently is: You need to go walking. While perhaps that's true for a number of reasons, my depression overrides and says, DON'T! Another from 2 dear friends is: just come spend the day with me and we'll take care of it. Oh, yeah, right.

So true

people dont even hesitate to say mean things like " you just want and crave for attention,u are not actually depressed"...

You forgot "just get over it," or "no you're not depressed." I've had those told to me before when I tried to open up about my depression, and a few of the ones you have stated. <br />
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No wonder why I never got better.

Funny post, Sam :P<br />
<br />
I agree with a lot of it.

i like the way you think! thank you for this post!

i agree with this..especially the first one..


What's wrong with you people? If you haqven't heard all this a hindred times you haven't been listening. It's YOU who allows the Stogma when you hide your feelings and cherish this crap as that's what it is. Things the cretins say about YOU.<br />
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And you LOVE it. Don't you. Anything for a god wallow. Sickening, truly. Revelling in your misery.

Define Stogma?

Fark off dickhead.

Sick to death of the repetition of these same things by so many of you. Instead of clutching the injury to your bosom, fight back. THERE IS NOTHING AMUSING ABOUT YOU WALLOWING IN THESE WORDS AND REPEATING THEM TO US, AGAIN. STOP IT.

Mate, the "I have an impulse control problem" experience is a few tabs over. lighten up before your writing in the "I popped an artery over a story" experience. How about I add a 6th - the "Just get over it argument" .. equally as helpful.

Nothing amusing you say 62 comments and even more messages would beg to differ ... Do you need a hug Mr Angry Flying Horse?

My finger slipped. That's all. I couldn't be bothered changing the caps back, OK Mr over analyser? It's just shite the number of times all this has been rehashed. It's in just about every group and everything thinks they are SO original. Get over it yourself. You haven't seen anger yet mate.

And I don't get why you all clutch this stuff to your bosums and cherish it to repeat in secret instead of doing what you should do. Fight it at it's source. The people that say this shite? Get in THEIR face. That stops them trying it on the next person. So instead of sitting there shrivelling get up and confront them. They are all cowards.

wow seriously you need help dude telling people with depression or any disorder really to get over it and fight is MEAN as if people suffering with this isn't enough u feel you have to make them feel worse for talking about how they feel and what they are going through, we do fight everyday to get better . And by the way antidepressants don't always work right away you have to keep trying different ones until you find some that work and even than it doesn't always go away, Alot of us do take medication for it and believe me even though it helps it does not always go away with medication. Medication is like a bandaid it makes you feel better for awhile and you can enjoy things.For me even when I'm enjoying myself when I am in my depressive state I have to force myself to try and have fun which is not easy , I can be having fun and then when it is over and I'm by myself all my thoughts and jumbled mess come back to haunt me bla blah bkah abkabjabsjbajbsjabsjb LOL but seriously there have been times when I have been enjoying myself and my friends what little friends I have , not having any issues that I'm aware of I just completely break down for no reason whatsoever my friends are like what's wrong with you and it's like you don't always know but u just feel soo bad and it really is embarassing to be crying for no reason at least it is for me . Anyway ya seek help cause you're aboviously either going through you're own probs or you're just a SAD SAD SAD JACK *** who don't know what the **** they're talking about . And getting in someones face about it definintely does not help if u did that to me you would find yourself on your *** . Don't pretend for one sec that you think you know us cause you don't unless you have been where alot of us are u don't need to say anything cause that just makes things worse not better, and one more thing if your tired of hearing it than leave that would be the best thing for both involved.

You are the kind of person this story describes - One who believes he has a monopoly on wisdom and if we'd only take your loving and supportive approach we'd all be, well not so much happy as psychotically enraged. And what is with all this "get over yourself" "Fight" "Cowards" ..

This is building up to a pistols at dawn experience .. calm the **** down.

Stop for 1 second and let me explain why I wrote this story ... some people battle with depression, (obviously not you so thank whatever god you pray to) I am one of them, one day as I was pulling it all together I thought of all the things people who wanted to help me said but was not effective, It made me smile and so I thought I would share it. Depressed people on here look upon this story and message me that they get a little laugh out of it.

Mate no matter what exactly you think depression is, doesnt make that so for those who live it. if you dont know whats it like then 'shut the **** up', whats your big insight, we cant face up to our demons and we're all chicken **** ... if only the demons where so tangible .. so tangible that a quick jab to the left of the jaw would abolish for all time ... if only that were true ...

And while were here Mr Sensitivy have you ANY idea of what EP is about .... its people of ALL kinds expressing themselves through words, and that includes some people who feel D-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d

To recover from what I've been through and I've been as close to the exit as any, it has taken more dedication, strengthy and damned determination to come back to a level I'm confortable at. With major help from my shrink and my partner who has no idea what to do as I don't either. She sticks by me and it blows over.

You know nothing about me, read my story for starters. It's a taste of what I've been through.

Pistols at dawn. Drama queen. All you do is not accept what these cowards say to you, and they are cowards as they pick their targets. You stand up, confront them and tell them what the problem is and how they make it so much worse.How psychotic is that pray tell? You don't get the message at all do you?

Pistols at dawn. Sounds like you too don't have the strength to defend yourself and your fellow sufferers. Just sit there, I'll do it for you.

What on earth is psychotically enraged about fronting one of these people with words, not attackig them as you infer. Are you struck dumb and just take it always? Never upsets you. It used to **** me right off until I stood up and faced them down. Nothing psychotic or enraged there mate. SImple defence strategy designed to stop them next time.

But few of you care about anyone but yourself so you huddle away and accept their barbs and hope no on else notices you.

I have said time and again that no one knows much about depression at all so how can I claim to have all the wisdom? What wisdom? All I say is don't take this crap and don't cherish it and swoon over it like you all do. Take a look around at other groups and see how often someone comes up with the same old, same old. Don't you get bored wallowing in it? Or do you really think it is amusing as we secretly know better?

That just encourages stigma and it has to stop. It's hard enough with the norms, let alone depressed peple lauding what was the best insult.

Calm down from what? I'm not upset you fool. Just trying to get you lot off your backsides and speaking for yourselves. Don't you even understand that? It is taking the initiative and is part of the road to recovery. Learning to say what you feel, when you feel.If I got angry or psychotic you'd know it mate.

You DO NOT battle depression at all. You learn to live with it until you reach a level where you feel OK. None of us will ever be what we were and likely don't even remember what that was. I've had this on and off since 24 Dec 1961 mate. And yes, I'm still affected badly by depression. I really would like to be close enough to you to ram your words down your throat. There you go, feed on that. I've just learnt to stick up for myself and not accept what I don't like. Is that too grandiose for you? By the way, there is no God. That's another thing people waste their lives on.

You describe the same moment every person with depression has. Adding up the insults. Eureka, you're a genius. I think I first did that in the late 80's. Did it help? No, it didn't, not at all. You wrote it to amuse, for no other purpose and you stole most of it anyway. Seeking attention is your motive here. And your conclusion is to pop some Xanax and have an ice cream. That'll solve it all, right. You've given up and don't have a clue about getting better at all. And you dare to suggest I don't know what it's like. What an ignorant little know nothing you are.

I know it from dythsmia to a total breakdwon, three times, in public. I've know it for 50 years and one thing I know you don't suspect is that anyone who has felt depression kows what if feels like. You can't fake it or describe it. But lick your ice cream and buzz away in the corner. That's the exact image that causes people to make those ignorant comments you moron.

If you want to call all depressed people chicken shites then you go ahead. That's your initiative, not mine.

I simply say depressed people need to be motivated and I know also that one of the very best motivators is anger. If I can stir you up you are experiencing emotions and reacting as you should. Don't you see that? I dragged you off the sofa with your words and that's what you must do ALL the time instead of constantly giving up.

Don't fight it, you won't win, ever. Learn about it, observe rt note what it does and when. Get to know it so well you know what it can and will do and when. And prepare for that. Learn to live with it.

And thank you for proving my point. You needed to be motivated. Be angry at me if you like, I care not. My interest is in helping people move. Been doing it for over a decade on the web. The gentle touch I did for a couple of years. Waste of time. Just lots of hugs and wow's etc. Bullshit stuff. Just confirmed for people they were as useless as they thought. Like "hang in there baby".

So I changed my style to one of truth only, just the facts and ground down anyone who disagreed when I knew I was right. When I was wrong, happens to us all, I apologised and noted the new info.

That's my basic style. Facts, refer to known sites, quote authorities and don't put up with crap, from anybody. On this site I have attempted mass motivation in groups and have got a few who responded. That's an achievement you will never have as you accept the crap don't you. See something you don't like and have a little swipe, then curl up in a ball of misery.

I write this, Log off and walk away and you are forgotten. Learnt that when I manned the Lifeline Suiide hotlines, volunteer. Don't attach, ever.

Thinjk about it. WHo knows, you might see the truth here. I doubt it as many like you have concrete minds but let's see. I;ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Prove me wrong mate.

2 More Responses

my mother always says. what's the matter. she cant help it. every single day. i love her & she feels sorry for me. but jezz.

This is the most real amazing thing ever. Espocially 1-5 ;D :) amazing really cos I want to say these EVERYTIME one person tries to talk about my depression. And for #5 the only people who would say that obviously aren't depressed or something :P I hate it when people try to relate. Like **** off you won't understand -_- anyway I love it!!

thanks for that so well put it actually made me smile ,the first in a while glad I am not a freak and many others are like me .

WellI do I know that feeling of being the freak, why am I not like others.. luckily I'm old now, I have got past I am not like others, but are there any positives .. well as it turns out there are. a more poetic and emotional view upon the world that we live in .. my viewpoint on depression an over supply of emotion .. I 'feel' deeply and sometimes life can be shite .. but I live for the times when its not. :-)

You have no idea how many times I've been told its in my head. That just makes me want to bash in their heads. I also think you need to add "the real reason you're upset is because of your father". NOOO!! NO! NO! NO! Sorry mom you can't blame everything on dad.

This list is excellent. So many people think depression is the same as a blue feeling everyone gets from time to time. And unless they experience it themselves, or have extraordinary empathy, they never really understand what it's like.

Well I would say it is the same as thier 'blue' feeling, but who dictates that every body feels the same depth of emotion, is your 'blue' equivelent to mine, probably I'm guessing that because your here you know what it is to really feel, sometimes you gotta give other s some slack for at least tryng.
hehe we depressivves, we are complex people to understand ...

i completely AGREE with this list. these comments make me angry. people are just dumb and they dont understand.

Yes, because life is so hard. All your families are being killed by God as a test to see if you still believe in Him. Everyone you all know are dying from a mysterious disease you can't diagnose, and it is sweeping through every country. All of your lands are being taken and your people being killed simply for their resources. If you don't get it I am referencing stories of true hardship that should cause depression. No one deserves to be depressed in today's world unless they live in a third world country. I hate people that say they have depression like it's some kind of real disease.

Mate depression is a disease, its a global social disease, its a disease of the soul, where the ultimate core of a sane individual 'feels' that we could be so much better as a species than what we are, mate depression on many levels is the expression of a personal dissatisfaction of how the world is compared to how it could be ... Yin and Yang my brother for every happy thought a negative thought can have consequential weight.

*nods head dreamily*

LOL finally some-one who gets it ..... got any to share ;-)

ROFL<br />
I HATED the "cheer up", "get over it already", "it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile",....crap! If I could cheer up, I would have! If I could have gotten over, it I would have, and as far as the "it takes more muscles to frown" thing, I think that just means I'm not as lazy as one who smiles all the time! :P<br />
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I suffered from clinical (suicidal) depression for years. Sometimes I would feel bad for those who I knew were just trying to help, but mostly I wanted them to move to another country.... on another planet. I think my illness made them uncomfortable. They didn't want anyone to know their daughter/sister/friend was "crazy", and they didn't know that all they had to do was just shut UP and BE there! After hospitalization and 5 years of meds, I did get cured of my depression, but it isn't something everyone can experience. For those who can't, just keep taking the meds, talk when you can, and don't be ashamed. As one of my doctors said....depression is a medical condition just like diabetes. You don't cause it, and you can't just "snap out of it". It can be deadly if not treated, but it can be controlled. One doesn't judge a diabetic, so no one should be allowed to judge you. I think that was prolly the only smart thing that doc ever said to me.<br />
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Does it seem silly to anyone else that when we go to a psychiatrist, we are paying them big bucks for them to sell us back to ourselves? O.o

I'm anti psyche (admission) I'll be quite happy 'normal' once that huge breated valkyrie like nordic singer comes along .. idiot psyches like the status quo, like thier viewpoint is anythig to be excited about.

SOOOOO TRUE!!!! I LOVE IT!!! Everyone should read this!

I did snap out of it but 15 second's later it tapped on my shoulder yelling SUCKER !!!!

Nobody cares about me to do that....

hahahahaha , i am struggling with a depressive phase now but this post just so lifted my mood , lol thanks so much, people out there have no slightest idea what one feels !!! if they got nothing to say then they shouldnt say it :))

wow... thank you, i read that comment about 5 things you should say and strangely i feel.... alot better. I'm not sure why, but thank you.

being depressed hurts so bad.

thanks for posting this it made my night

re: ikem - 5 things to say to help the depressed ?? hmmmmmm how about - I just heard that A - you've inherited 5 million dollars B - I just heard your Boss/Ex/Neighbour was run over by a truck C - I just heard your the new democratically elected leader of this country and we're all looking to you to make this land work like it should. D - I just heard its 1/3 of the price off sale down at the local gizmo and nominal white goods store or E - I've decided to hit myself over the head with a wet samon for your amusement because I briefly entertained the thought that if I basically reword your first point in the article .. that you'd be too depressed to notice.

Awesome post I hate people like this, I honestly don't see how they don't understand that saying this stuff is helpful.

Well, how about "5 Things To Say to Help the Depressed"? :)

Another maddening comment I've heard when I've been really depressed about something is 'You must forget about it and move on'. I REALLY HATE that one.

thank you , this is very informative .

Here here! The depressed feels isolated and trivializing it doesn't help. What loved ones and friends can do for the depressed is to offer self. Sometimes, the less the wordage, the better. Sit with the depressed and allow them a chance to vent. Offer a cup of coffee or tea. Looking directly into their face when they talk lets them know that you are interested in their well-being. Depression is painful and serious and should not be taken lightly.

this is so true, it really ****** me off when other people say these things

Brilliant. So many people think depression is just a bit of sadness. Love that first bit...being happy? what a novel idea! Why didn't we think of it? Ha!

jca4; Bahhhhh choice, don't people think that if it were that frikkin' easy we would have done it already!! I wouldn't 'choose' to be depressed...no one would. Would they?

I agree with your post!!! Don't forget the other dumb saying "If you want to be happy, you will be happy" or 'happiness is a choice".

Firstly, a question:<br />
Who is John Smith? <br />
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Secondly, me and my mental mate were discussing this exact same subject!! "It's all in your head!!" our response "No sh*t" but your response is MUCH better.<br />
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Awesome article!! Big smiles from me!!<br />
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Thank you!

love it.you did make some very relevant points & some that i could definantly relate to.can't wait to see the sequels!!!!!<br />

oooh how I wish some-one would offer to "fix it for me" ... they would of course have to have god-like powers, and I'm sure once I've got them all tied up with a near impossible task (the switch mostly comes from within) I could slip in some some requests like that vacuum robot I want but can't justify the cost ... the fixers are noble in intent but usually always make things worse in execution.

Nice! My personal favourite is: "just tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."

Oh how I re-read my own words and have a giggle .... no depression at the moment, the veil lifted yet again and I'm feeling like I'm at the top of my game .... Depression is like being possessed by another personality ... I really do get a kick out of what comes out of my head when I'm flat and unimpressed with the world in general .... Happy Sam has no words ... depressed Sam can sometimes come out with little gems (subjectively of course) ... So all those out there who are suffering right now ... Just buck up little Campers, turn those frowns upside dooooooooown ... LOL

You are so right about everything! I can't count the times people have said such stupid things to me.<br />
There doesn't seem to be cure for us, so in the mean time the only thing we can do is pop whatever works for us. We can also share our experiences with others who suffer and understand. Thanks

#1 - actually works in the long run albeit slowly but more effective and faster than doing nothing while waiting for your whole body to rot.<br />
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#4 - same as #1 but it justs sounds more condescending<br />
#5 - although its almost impossible to have optimistic thoughts while your suffering, it would still do a little help (better than nothing). just like #1.<br />
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You do know depression mess you up, and there's a chemical imbalance thats has been happening in your head. Laughing counteracts that (i say Laughing, smile, optimism have similar effects. I'm pretty sure your not stupid enough to think "Laughing = Cure"<br />
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#2 - regardless of depression or not; i honestly want to stab people who say this atleast 50times w/ a knife

love it so true xxxxxxxx

Awesome! Love it! Definately made me smile, especially at the xanex part.<br />
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:D<br />
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i agree with u

That is brilliant, I have a few people I should show this, as its a very comprehensive way of putting things that when I try and tell them they dont understand! Point 4 is the most specifically accurate for myself!haha!

this was great true only people that have depression can know what its like. Your story mad me laugh,thanks i needed it today

Afexor does it for me, although my productivity suffers. <br />
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Cant wait for the sequel.

Thanks for that Sohs! Your sensitivity / tact etc. is appreciated!! :)

Hi Fleurina - I so agree with you .. you really have to live it to know what its like .. I must say though writing this story made me feel pretty good ..... I just got all that frustration out .. a little darker than I had intended but I was in a slightly darker place .. when the depession fully lifts I'll miss writing ... I'm startign to get a little better at each time ... I need a sequel any ideas ???

Thanks enna .. you know funny thing .. I saw your comment in one of the questions last night on IIASM and I've been going crazy trying to win a another question trophy and I had this real non-pc answer along the lines of exctasy, viagra and rohypnol and was just about to send it when I read your post and then thought immedietetly of my own story and what an insensitive hypocrite I would be ... and then you appear here .. oh boy I almost opened a can of whoopass on myself there .. LOL

I recently wrote about the things people say to us when we are depressed under the heading "I Hate it when". <br />
If we could "look on the brightside", "Snap out of it" etc , we would. People don't seem to realise this. Getting out of depression and loneliness and isolation is NOT like turning a light switch and you have expressed it well.

Sam, thanks for that! <br />
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I'm a member of the Sexless Marriage forum and we get similar gratuitous advice. The problem of sexlessness in marriage is a serious and intractable one which causes the partner being refused a huge amount of pain and suffering.<br />
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Yet these well meaning souls (I'm prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt!) want to know if we've considered sexy lingerie or candle lit dinners as solutions . . . Aaaaaaarrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

I love it - you do have a way with words! You also have a way of getting a serious point across without being too serious!<br />
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Additionally, I totally agree with ALL of it!!

ha this is really great. my friend John would love to see this ;)

OH dear I've written a how-to guide for the malevolent LOL

This is great... I'll have to remember this later on when I'm depressed and want to ruin somebody's day!<br />
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awesome, bro!