You Can't Win For Losing
I want to give up completely... Nothing that I do for others is ever good enough. I get talked about even when I help people out. You know favors and which are all the time. I dont mind doing it and I even volunteer to help out. I thought all of this would make me seem like a good person but it seems like everyone takes it for granted and uses it. there is nothing that I ever ask anyone to do for me and if it is something major like for instance (and this is an example of a real experience) I am stranded on the side of the road with a flat. I call a family member to come and pick me and i give them gas money for their time and trouble. a few days later I hear form another family member that the one that helped me out with the flat says that the only time i come around or calls is when I want something. I NEVER ask for anything for nothing! I always pay my way! And even if it has been a few days since one person has seen me is because I have been helping the other out. Even when there are get togethers or even if I am invited over for dinner, aftewards to show my apprecaition for the invitation and food I clean up and wash dishes. EVERY SINGLE TIME! And most of the time it's just me but i don't mind because I feel that I am pulling my weight and its the right thing to do. But of course I still get talked about like a dog and put down. It seems to be an ever ending cycle. I have always suffered from different "levels" of depression but it seems that now I am at my lowest and you know thoughts of suicide don't scare me like they use to.