My Kingdom For An Ounce of Joy
First post as I just joined here but I thought I would share my story in hopes anyone not close to me might have advice... here goes.
My Life Before Therapy
I am only 35 but have also been faced with things like unemployment, underemployment, overwhelming debt, lack of family (horrible divorce between my mom and dad leaving everyone distant), emotional and physical abuse, small pool of distant friends, and a wife who almost left me when I retreated into World of Warcraft for over a year.
I am now working as a School Bus Driver (3rd year doing this) as I complete an online Master's Degree in Computers. I live in a really nice house that is 2/3 paid for after moving last year (My wife and I made some excellent decisions pre-boom with an estate property purchase that sold high -- though I have sizable credit debts which I am thankfully not struggling with. Yet.). My degree should be completed in about a year as I am gearing up to writing my Master's Essay. All of this was possible with therapy and luck BUT.
Where I am Today
I love my wife (who seems to be turning into a workaholic) and we have talked seriously over the last few years about starting a family. I really want kids of my own and I think my bioClock has kicked into overdrive the last few years. Today, Im stressed with school assigments and new home landscaping but other than that my life can be pretty mundane.
All of the above has been my driving force to keep going in life (say the last decade) but I have a nagging feeling/question in my soul about why am I here? What am I doing? Where am I going? Is it worth it? What is the point? I don't feel suicidal or anything but I don't see things improving for me at this basic level. It's like I'm stuck, shuffling through each day hoping the next will be better.
Most of the time I feel like I am alone with this feeling. Everyone else around me seems focused in their lives. I am bright, fairly handsome, and charming (some of the time) but I feel constantly disconnected with life. Does anyone have suggestions on things I might do, things I should think about that will help me to enjoy what I have and just be happy?
My kingdom for an ounce of joy.