Troubled By My MistakesI've battled with depression for a year now. I first started dealing with it when I left for college last September. I have severe social anxiety (which stems from my Asperger's Syndrome), though I do feel the need to be around people, so because of my SA, I stayed in my room 95% of the time, even skipping classes. This caused me to feel extremely lonely and extremely guilty, since I was wasting my parents' tuition payments, and was lying to them about going to classes and about doing my homework. I used every excuse in the book to delude myself into thinking that what I was doing was okay. By the spring semester, though, I couldn't stand it any longer, and started thinking about either running away or about committing suicide. The spray bottle of glass cleaner on my dresser had never looked as appealing as it did then. Neither had the five-story drop from my dorm room window. I even looked up homeless shelters near my college, so that I could know where to go if I did run away.
Thankfully, as of today, I'm still alive and safe. But my depression hasn't left me yet. I still struggle with the fact that I need to become self-reliant, since I have a real phobia of that. Also, I don't have any real friends as of yet, but that's definitely a goal of mine. I currently see a therapist every two weeks, and I'm on an anti-anxiety med (though I've been on that for the past seven years, so it isn't a recent thing).
But yeah, that's my story. Thanks for reading (if you actually did). Ciao. :-)
itshannah 19-21, F 30 Responses 16 Sep 20, 2006