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All These Drugs, And Nothing Helps

 I was diagnosed with major depression close to 38 years ago, and have fought it for all that time... most of it spent being a guina pig for the psych docters to try out all the newest meds on... none of which ever worked.  ALL Antidepressan ts on the market have ben used on me, and to no effect... now  some anto-psychotics have been addded since the experts have decided that I am bipolar. STILL nothing working, but I DO get a lot of sleep these days, and don't have to face this awful, suicidal depression for most of the day.  I don't remember the last time I felt joy over anything, and I have stopped doing all my crafts all togeather. I also have panic attacks, and am of afraid to leave the house for fear that one will happen in public. Tha last time I was hospitalized for this depression, they told me that there was nothing left for me but ECT treatments, and I am so very terrified of that, so terrified  ( crying now) I think I Am going to go crazy if this bout of severe depression does not lift a bit.. it's been going on for over 5 months now. Medicaid cut out the time with my therapyst, so I have no-one to talk with... no-one understands how horribly bad this is, waking up crying, crying all day, going to bed crying. My ole man just says be strong,... it will eventually go away, but it isn'y.. it ISN'T.

Sftflannelnjeans Sftflannelnjeans 56-60, F 7 Responses Oct 7, 2009

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I had a psychiatrist tell me once (as he wrote me a new presc<x>ription) that if anyone taking antidepressants long enough isn't bipolar, they will become bipolar This sounds like it has happened to you. I didn't know Medicaid had made those cuts. Bummer. I don't know a solution for that problem, but I hope one presents itself soon. I'm assuming you aren't taking any medications at this time and they are telling you the treatments are your only option left? I knew someone who was in the same position as you with the same fear and she finally did the treatments. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be and it did help.

I'm sorry to hear about what your going through :( <br />
Im 21 and have been on stupid anti depressants for 2 years now. It seemed to work okay for a while..but im back to my old habits. Nothing excites me anymore.. most of the time im a downer, and dont find joy in anything. I find it hard to be truley happy or smile. I'm not sure what going on .. i know i need to think positive..but its so hard to somedays. Somedays jumping off a cliff sounds so much better than dealing with reality..but i know that i would hurt alot of people..so i wont do it. stupid depression anyways..

I am so sorry of the dark place that you are in. I am there now, but feel numb. I could scream, but there would be nobody to hear me. I could fall, but there would be nobody to catch me. I am on meds. I feel sick all the time. You see they say I am also bipolar, but my manic isn't as bad as my depression. I think they are calling it bipolar II. The only help I know is God. You see he is the only one that knows my heart and my mind. I am still alive because of him. I have both my parent, but they don't care to understand my illness. I also have a daughter, and she is soooo tired of me. I have a live in boyfriend, and he doesn't care one way or the other. Why he is here, I don't know, why I allow him to stay, I guess not to be alone. The dark place is so lonely, and one day I hope to find a light. But right now I am living on the mercy and the grace of God. I know he has to have me, because if I had me, I wouldn't even be here. So I say to you, pray, and if you can find the words, just ask him to have mercy on you, and I declare he will. But you have to be strong and keep fighting this disease. One day God will show you help. Be blessed !!!

Major depressive disorder is worse thin most can understand, but a good psych. really does. It sounds like you may need to find another Dr. to help you. They are not all the same, and sometimes it can be difficult to find one you are comfortable with. Know that people out here do care, truly. Use any and all support<br />
systems you have, and please try to take of yourself.<br />
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Much luck, feel better, and we care.

I feel for you, sooo hope things will lighten a bit for you soon. If you DO decide to try the ECT don't be scared, it's a much lower "dose" that they use these days you know. But maybe it will get better without that.

I´m sorry for you and I hope your condition improves. but the truth is you can´t trust medicines or doctors to change your life and fix your health. I´m not against medicines but they can only change your bodychemistry, not your thoughts. <br />
I wish you the best, take care

I'm so sorry that you're in a bad place right now. I don't know the last time I was happy. Most times, I just feel numb. Cold.... I don't let anybody in because when I do, they stomp all over me and treat me like I don't exist. Like my friends. Like my parents.<br />
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You gotta know that whatever you're going through right now, you've got a place here where you can bend an ear and get some support. Your experience with medication mimicks mine. I've been on Zoloft and Effexor and another one in college that I don't remember and none of them worked. One doctor claimed that they weren't high enough dosage. It was so bad trying to wean myself off of Effexor I went into withdrawal symptoms like drug addicts do. That scared me so bad I've been reluctant to go on meds again.<br />
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I've did therapy twice and it didn't help. I think both times they were either social workers or psychologists. I don't think either profession is equipped to treat major clinical depression. I probably need a psychiatrist but I don't think that Tricare, my insurance provider, covers that.<br />
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I'm trying to exercise and eat better but sometimes I just want to curl up and die. I sometimes think about ending my own life because being me is unbearable. I don't want to go to a mental hospital and that's probably going to be the worst case scenario for me.<br />
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I agree with BNS not to let anybody bully you. My husband wants me to get help because he's worried that if I don't, there will nobody here for me when he deploys. I've resisted but I'm suspicious of the shrink community in general and am dubious of the meds. <br />
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I also want to get pregnant but I guess depression will take that away too. Like it has my marriage. Some people say you can be pregnant and on anti-depressant medication at the same time. I don't know.<br />
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All the best. Hope you can find help and beat this thing. I hope we all can.