So Confused, So Depressed

I was born in Israel, in an arab community. My dad owns 2 clothing shops and I didn't as a child spend as much time as I should. Now I am 18, and I have to take a test that basically will determine my destiney. Like no other children from my community, I grew up watching American cartoons and American movies, and I learned English quicker than everybody else because of that. You'd think that gives me advantage over other people but it might aswell be my biggest misfortune, now my culture is a mixture of Arab-American culture, it's very confusing, I feel like I don't have an identity. I really really want to be a doctor, however, in my country there are few places for minority students, which means that there will be thousands fighting over very little slots. I don't feel that I can sociolize in my own community, I just feel I don't belong here, but there's something that feels wrong about leaving. My dad disagreed to send me abroad for med school, I have a feeling that he knew somehow that if I leave, I'll never come back. I just don't want to live the traditional lifestyle, I want to love the woman who will share her life with me before I marry her, I don't want to go with the flow, knowing that it has so many gaps in it. Is that too much to ask for? Help please.

thatarabguy thatarabguy
18-21, M
Nov 14, 2009