Still Here

It has been 5 days. 5 days this time and i havent stopped.I wake up and wait for the oppertunity to arise to where I can cut myself. Is life this bad.Do I hate myself that much. I do, but I dont know why really.  I have been like this for over 10 years now. When I had kids tho I had gotten a bit better. With my kids I felt I had something to live for, but lately I am not even sure if they are enough. I know my kids will go on without me.I know that alot of ppl would miss me but If I were dead what does it really matter?I dont know whats soo very wrong in my life. I just cant handle the stress anymore. I have not been eating for a couple weeks now.and when I do eat I throw-up shortly after. I think about cutting myself constantly almost.and the thought of just outright killing myself has been sitting in the back of my mind, never far away. I am supposed to go to a physco appt in a couple days  but I dont like the person that they gave me to talk to.  I want them to give me something else.  I have been trying to call and do something about it but I hang-up the phone whenever anyone answers because I am sure the will tell me I cant do that.  should I just try to handel this on my own and see if I can make it through this time.  I am sure things will calm down in a couple months..  until the next time..well  thats all i have to say for now..  I am out.......
Celez Celez
26-30, F
2 Responses Oct 2, 2006

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

If you need to talk with no strings, call this number. :)
HUGS

hey sweetie, you gonna be alright!! go talk to somebody, itll make you feel better.im here .you are too special too unique, we all are a wee bit crazy... hehehe.. itll be ok .. temperence...