It is very upsetting to actually come out of a daydream and realise that there is no time machine. I can never rewind time and undo the things I have done. To that very day when a certain woman did not think it necessary to take her pills. 20 years ago.
Sometimes when I look into the mirror, I do not recognise myself. I am not able to absorb the fact that I am alive and I am me. I do not like me, but I am her. Unfortunately.
It is my fault. I take the blame. It is always my fault. Indefinitely.