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Divorce

yesterday my husband and I talked about divorce. In a nutshell, he cannot handle my depression and personality disorder anymore. he says he is frustrated by my mood swings and it is stressing him out to no end. I guess that explains the high blood pressure. When he said all of this I said, well why don't we just get a divroce then? I meant it too. I mean, I'm not going to change tomorrow or even the next day. If he can't handle it then he can't handle it, plain and simple. If he only knew how it feels from the inside when you're experiencing all the mood swings and the emotional rollercoaster. He doesn't realize that I am even more frustrated than he is right now because even though I am taking the pills and am in therapy, things are taking time. We haven't even scratched the surface in therapy yet. And now I have the added pressure of trying to look happy and gleeful alll the time so I don't lose my husband? To top all of that of, he started talking to this woman online again. He had feelings for her and I can't stop that either. i don't know what to do. I feel so tired inside.
nicoleal20 nicoleal20 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 8, 2007

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"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds". Shakespeare wrote that centuries ago and it still holds true. If someone who claims to love you backs off the moment you get sick or gain weight or go through some other change, how much do they love you, really? I know dealing with someone who has long term problems is far from easy but love hangs on for the long haul, no matter how long or difficult that haul proves to be.

Well, the pc is for everyone, although is an entirely other story to why he got his laptop. ugh. Anyway, I have bordeline personality disorder and you are right. They used to talk a lot a while a go and then I amde a big stink about it and it just stopped. i was so glad I could have run naked through the streets. yeesh! Anyway, this just popped up the other day and now it makes me wonder if he has been talking to her online while I've been off cooking or cleaning or something. In his defense I will say that he has tried but it's still not enough. Give me time . And stop throwing that women in my face. I wonder if there is anyone else out there that I DON'T know about.

I was going to suggest couples counseling too. and..well...a sledgehammer to his computer. That IS an emotional affair, and it is such a slap in face for you. He needs to learn more about your depression and borderline (or was it bipolar?) and realize it takes time and work on his part as well. If he can't stick it out through sickness and health, then he is not worth keeping. But I know it is hard. I hope you can find a way to get the help you need.

We talked about it and he agreed, but right now it's a cost issue. We are spending a lot right now on my meds and his, plus therapy for the both of us. I hope we can afford it soon because this thing with this other woman is stressing me out more than I can handle.

Wow, thanks for your comment. I don't think he is looking for a new bride but I do think he looks to this woman as someone to talk to and share his feelings with. To me that is an emotional affair. There was even a time once when I saw a message he wrote to her and it said he was thinking about her the whole time we were at the beach. it really hurt. He seems to desperately want someone "normal" to connect with, but I say how normal can she be if she is online doing the same thing and she is married? he says he will try to understand better and I bought him a book about family members living with other members who have BPD but who knows if he will really read it? It's so much easier to just turn to "Mary" than it is to deal with the issue at hand.

I just posted about a similar experience about not getting better, despite the fact of being on meds and attending therapy.<br />
My ex used to be the same. It was expected of me to recover almost instantly as soon as I started some therapy or was put on an antidepressant. It was like : "Ok, now you got the help you need , you have no excuse to feel bad,anymore, so get moving and start acting as a normal person , NOW !.( or else !!)<br />
You know very well how that ended !<br />
I understand what you are saying about how you feel. What I think is very cruel on his part is what he is doing already searching online for someone else ( new or not, is like he is already moving on and on top of that he lets you know about it ) and he still expects you to feel cheerful ?. He sounds like a pretty egocentry and self centered man and that certainly is not going to help you to feel better but maybe will give you the "moment of clarity" you need to realize what kind of person he really is.And go from there...<br />
Isnt the vows of matrimony for better and for worse, in sickness and in health ?. Ask yourself, if he were sick with a lenghty recovery, would you already be looking for his replacement ( or substitute ) online ?<br />
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My heart goes out to you. <br />
<br />
Hugs,<br />
<br />
UC<br />
<br />
PS: When I had my baby and I was going thru PPD alltogether my ex used to go upstair to the attic where he had his computers ( yes, plural) and got online until very late. I later found out he had been on one of those Mail order Bride sites and now is living abroad with a very young woman ( he requested them to be younger that 28 and he is 50 now !!!). <br />
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Food for thought !