I'm Feeling Depressed Again.. I Really Hate This

I am starting to feel depressed again. I don't want to do anything. I have a small binge.. Everything just sucks. I just want to dissappear..

Why is this happening again? What's wrong with me? I felt good yesterday and this morning. Why did it just change? I want to cry, but I don't want to at the same time. I want to selfharm.. but I can't. And next week I dont have any therapy? How am I going to survive that.

When I feel depressed I just feel suicidal again. And life is so meaningless.. It's so weird. I felt so motivated yesterday. I've written down goals I want to achieve. I really felt like I was goign to be strong and really make it. And now.. the feeling is gone. And I hate this. These lows, these days where I'm feeling depressed, they ruin everything. And my social anxiety is starting to show up again. I feel like I'm not capable to do anything..

I want to tell my parents. But what can they do? Nothing? They can't help me..

****.. I hate this

I can't control it. I can't just be happy or positive again. It's like theres a giant cloud above me. Something really heavy in and on me. It's just.. crappy

lunachi lunachi
26-30, F
9 Responses Jan 16, 2010

What helped me may or may not help... but when I saw my own imagination was yelling "Meaningless! Hopeless! Solving problems is too hard for a mediocre loser like me!" I remembered what I read in a Gestalt therapy book, not that I'm a follower of that school (cult?)... "Swing with it! Own this painful vision or story as my accomplishment. I'm proud of the focus & creativity I put into this fable. I can start telling myself better tales if I want." You know the Bre'er Rabbit story of the tar baby? You can choose not to fight it & realize it's a fake. Question:Is the first feeling I notice necessarily the truest or deepest? I've learned happiness can be a choice, like any enjoyable skill, easier as you REGULARLY PRACTICE IT. Not preaching. Thankfully sharing. Or get lost, do-goody cheerleader? OK

Its hard work. You can't talk to any one cos it sounds like your moaningAGAIN so you say nothing. You can't be happy cos you know some thing is round the corner ready to ****** that away...

Without hope life is dull, hope fuels us for a brighter future. It might not happen today or tomorrow but it will happen if you're patient. Stay hopeful and positive. It's easy to say and advise but with time it shows. smile and wish a random person a good day, it will make their day. The random feeling of depression passes. Don't let it control you. Something or many things might be bothering you. It'll pass. Let it. Holding on to it will elongate your depression. I dare you to smile at everyone including yourself. Nothing comes easy so the challenge should make you feel better. I don't know you or your story but this is my way if just smiling your way and saying it'll be okay. See the positives, stay hopeful.

I feel your feelings too. You are not alone

Hello, Depression, has no regards, attacks us all, Im from Costa Rica, reading this in my bed thinking exactly like you, focus on the small things that still make you happy, in my case my family is, it doesnt matter if sometimes not even they help your lack of emotions, but its worth the effort to contact al least one of your relatives, (the coolest and closest one, usually have both caracteristics!) talk, talk talk, ive gone the path of suicide, and failed, trust me, it sucks to suck even at that! life its too short but not as short as to go by feeling like that, **** depression, take control, go hiking alone, get a burger, kiss a girl a boy, whatever it takes to regain hope in your life.
Best of luck sweety

I know this post is old but I just have to reply.. Im getting depressed again, for me Im sort of happy and hopefull for maybe two months then I get unhappy and gloomy and all that ****...<br />
I go to this sort of therapist, Im not sure if its doing anything for me. I feel like we re-run all the time, sort of the same questions everytime, same discussions blabla. But its better then not doing anything at all I guess.. I think Im just disappointed in the whole thing, I guess I thought it would magically help me. Plus we dont get "happy pills" from doctors nearly as easy like you guys in the us..<br />
So I figured I would turn to the internet for some help and thats how I found this thread. <br />
But I shall continue to fight (and search more threads and maybe find advise..) So I leave you with this quote I find somewhat comforting; 'Before you try dying, try living'

After 5 years from first suffering it you can't understand why you just can't beat this diease. The shame, the weight on your head, the feeling everyone knows your unhappy, people start to notice, they tell to cheer up, it makes you feel worse. And so the cycle goes on.<br />
<br />
5 years previous. You are ill for a year and keep it to yourself as you are a young adult. You lose your job and girlfriend in one week as you think that they are the problem only to sink lower and begin to be actuely depressed that you can't get out of bed and actually want to die. This is the lowest moment, maybe some have experienced it, god hopes you haven't. But something inside you wants to live. Tells you this is not right to feel like this! It is just not. <br />
<br />
The turning point. You seek help, you take pills and you read a book 'stop thinking and start living'. You think it is written for you. Things are on paper are still terrible but you start to feel better and you can cope. You realise that your brain in the way it has tought itself to think is killing you. You change your thinking habits, its very exhausting but you see the benefits. The key if you haven't been told is that your brain has taught itself to think in a certain way which isn't normal. Your thoughts are what is harming you. When the thought comes in dismiss it. Be patient as you will have to keep dismissing and dismissing so you not allowing yourself to think that thought. To explain, you can be sitting in a chair and thinking about it all. A cup falls in the kitchen and you are distracted and you sort the problem. Then you go back to your chair and start thinking again. Itfyou dismiss the thought it can't harm you like when you cleaned the mess in the kitchen. This is how I came out of depression and when it lurks again I use the same method. It is exhausting but it helps me. Your brain returns to normal and you can move forward.<br />
<br />
You rebuild your life, fight for your girlfriend, you get a job. You become human again but worry the disease will show it's ugly head and ruin what you have rebuilt.<br />
<br />
Things happen at work and you use your new thinking method and you don't sink you swim out of it. But it's exhausting.<br />
<br />
And that's the thing that is the worse. When you are fine and something sets it off and the pain of it returning is a pain that only us know. The fear that it won't go - you just want to feel normal again but it's so exhausting trying. How do we keep trying, I'm sick of it coming back. I want to come off these damn pills and live without this fear.<br />
<br />
Options: The fear of doing nothing means there is only one option. Try again.

I feel better and my motivation rises as I read this. Thank you.

I feel like this today, where do we go from here? Tomorrow my day will be the same too, maybe next week things might be lookin up only to fall back again. I try to do things but they feel impossible to do cause theres no interest, dont mean to regurgitate what youve just said but i feel your pain.

it hppens wid me..and I have heard others saying so...one moment you think you can do almost everything..u are ful of *****,,,and de other moment...you dont have a bit of life left in you...yea its reallyyy awfull..