Friends

I have no friends. I have been burned at least 5 times in my life by dear close friends for reasons I do not still understand. They left me for no reason. I do not have social anxiety. I talk and invite people to get coffee or whatever all the time. I joined clubs in college for the sole reason of meeting friends. There must be something wrong with me because I am so bad at making new friends. Maybe I have a stamp on my forehead and says "regretted".  My depression is being made worse b/c I do not have any friends. I just want 1 true best friend. My husband is my best friend, but I'd really like to have one friend. I just don't understand anymore. Am I too desperate? Is that's whats wrong with me? I just can't pinpoint what trait I have that is making me have a hard time making good friends (neither can my husband). I think my severe depression would be easier to cope with if I had someone to talk to and help me.

 

Does anyone want to be my friend?

anna2029 anna2029
22-25
5 Responses Feb 7, 2010

thanks, you guys. this is very useful advice. I just need to start making myself do the things I enjoy again..getting out of the house and exploring in nature. I have been cooped up too long in my dark house. The depression makes me not want to try, and in turn I am more surrounded in it, I have just accepted that that is the way I am, without trying to change things. I need to stop pitying myself and try

Getting rid of your shadows is prob of the one of the must hardest things to do. Getting rid of the horrible feelings inside. It was for me anyhow. An giving yourself a chance to cry out your pain and accept the way you feel. An having compassion towards yourself. Start painting and drawing. Start looking at things that are bright. Enjoying the bright trees, the sun. The sea. Enjoying bright colours that surround you by nature. Or whatever that moves you.. Not focus on the darkness but imagine a white light around you sucking all that greyness away.

xn thank you so much for your comment, you made me feel so much better. I just don't understand how to get rid of the darkness? I know its a state of mind but I just don't know how to make the sadness go away. It never leaves me now and it is getting a stronger hold of me every day. I feel like it's overcoming me and I cannot see the light anymore.<br />
<br />
the only thing I can think of to do is to FORCE myself to join a gym and go everyday even when I am sick and dont feel like it. At least that would get me off the couch

- It's crazy when the sun is shining through my window , kids are playing in the park , couples are having picnics , people are swimming in the sea and here I am avoiding life sitting alone in my room – I know what it’s like. In this climate, when the numbers of people who are going under is going up. It's not even called depression any more. This is about not feeling comfortable in your skin. And not being able to check in with anyone else. A lot of people don't know how to live life, so they avoid it ..<br />
- <br />
- I'm no expert but just small steps and small changes can make a HUGE difference. Tomorrow, for once, please just stop beating yourself up. Try to have a really different day. When I’m really depressed, I try to shake up my life and practically do the opposite of what I’ve been doing. <br />
<br />
I've always said that apathy leads to apathy. Energy leads to energy and sadness is simply sad. It's very difficult to make yourself happy. You have to wait until the sadness lifts, go away, and go back to where it came from. <br />
<br />
Somehow, reach out to someone. Join a support group. Join a community website that supports that hobby of yours. Visit a friend. They may need the visit as badly as you do. Friendships work on all different levels. We need friends for different moment, different reasons, and different times of our lives. Sometimes reconnecting with an old friend can really help get me out of a dark spot. <br />
<br />
On a practical not – do try to avoid drinking. It has been proven in many studies to make depression worse. It can also be two to three times as bad if you are taking medications for your depression. Exercise (a walk on the beach or a forest is so good for the soul) produces endorphins in your body which help you to “feel good” and work out the stress that may be a contributing factor. <br />
<br />
The problem I sometimes have is I’m too depressed to exercise. One excuse is as good as another when you just don’t want to exercise. Forcing yourself is one answer. You will thank yourself once you do so. Exercising with a friend is another answer. I found that anti depressants really helped me to cope - I resisted them for a long time but GOD if you want to die - they're certainly a much better option.<br />
<br />
<br />
Just a few ideas…<br />
Good luck –hope things pick up for you.

I understand exactly how you feel. I try my best to make friends in college but it seems like no one wants to be. The only person I have to talk to is my boyfriend but we are in a long distance relationship so I don't even get to see him that much anymore. Just hang in there. Maybe one day we ll meet someone in college but I'll be your friend. :)