Not Severe, But Crippling Nonetheless...

As long as I've suffered from my particular form of depression, it's only been recently that I've actually put a name to it. After doing some reading and research, I've come to the conclusion that I suffer from dysthymia. Basically, I've always known that my type of depression was never "severe", even though it feels awful on a day to day basis. Instead, my depression is a more "mild" yet more insidious form of chronic, long-tern depression, often referred to as melancholy. People like me have always been labelled as "moody" or "un-joyful", and their mood is believed to be merely part of their personality. I've never had what many called major depression, and I am able to function somewhat normally in my day to day life. I have a job, am able to get out of bed everyday (even though many times I don't want to) and can generally "act" happy if I need to. However, despite this, this chronic nature of this affliction has seriously impacted my life nonetheless. I suffer from fatigue, social anxiety, low self-esteem and a general feeling of hopelessness. All of this has made my quality of life suffer more than people can know. I feel constantly "blah" with no motivation for anything in my life and no idea where to summon the energy to focus on anything. I WANT to be happy and successful, but like many others, I've always felt that this was just "how I am". I hope that if I actually find the desire and motivation to get treated for it, there may be a way out. Until then, I will continue to walk around in a kind of daze throughout my life, not really feeling happy or excited about anything.

Tuva Tuva
31-35, M
Feb 7, 2010