When my friends and family look at me they see a happy, strong, confident, healthy girl. i am none of those things. Ive told my best friend that i am depressed and she laughed because she automatically assumed i was kidding. no one, not my family or my friends, know who i am. who i really am. and i am so torn between wanting them to know and being scared to tell them. no one knows that i come home and cry.  no one knows that sometimes when i say i have plans it means that im going to go to my room and cut myself. no one knows that i am terrifyed and lonely everyday i walk into school, because i always put on a smile. a smile that everyone in my life expects to see. im the only one that knows that the only way to fool people is with a fake smile.

bee11 bee11
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 8, 2010

It's much more common than you think. <br />
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Besides getting professional help -- which can actually be helpful -- have you thought about resistance training? I kid you not. I have a very close friend (no, not me) who had terribly serious depression problems long ago before there were many phamaceutical options. His doctor at the time admitted as much and asked him to exercise, specifically to lift weights. For whatever reason, it was very helpful. He still does it more than twenty years later.<br />
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If you start pumping iron now, you can quit cutting yourself. And by April, when you tell someone you are depressed and they laugh, you can kick their ash!

been there done that ond doing it on a regular basis, hidding that is. But there are a lot of people out there that will help and guide you if you let them.

I am here. Even if they aren't. Find a day to break that mask. :)