Melancholy

As far as I can tell, I have been depressed for most of my life. Even as a child I felt sad and out of place in the world most of the time. The only time I felt happy was when my family went to the country side. There in the easy peace of  the day time forest I felt at home. Today its the same thing. I wake up every day with the feeling that I want to avoid the world, that I am not good enough for my tasks, that I am not able to socialize. Its hard to do anything. For a long time I did not want to think of myself as depressed, just tiered or just sick of the world. But I really have to accept that the way I feel about things is abnormal and that other people don't have these feelings on a daily basis. They just get up and do what they have to do. But for me its different,it takes allot more energy and time to do the most mundane things, like going to the grocery shop. I just think to myself, "What is the point? I don't want to cook. I am not hungry. I have no one to eat with, ect." That's the way it is day in and day out. I feel like there is a horrible doom waiting for me

Sickofit666 Sickofit666
26-30
2 Responses Feb 17, 2010

Basically that is my day most of the time. People that don't understand this sickness think you can "just snap out of it" but it's much more more difficult than what they think. They have no idea that its a job just to get out of bed some days. I too was one of those people at one time that thought when someone was depressed and down that they could snap out of it, then I wound up being one of the persons afflicted with this sickness. When I was in my early teens I didn't understand what I was feeling at all so I tried to ignore it then it snuck up on me one day years later like a ton of bricks and now I have to face it head on because I know its not going anywhere if I just ignore it as I use too. I hope that you can find the help you need.

Me too, me too.