My Battle With Depression

i have had depression for five years. it happen when i lost the love of my life. i was only 13, i know some will doubt that some one will find love at that age. it all stared when i was just moved to where i live now. she was the first person that i met her other than family. we were friends for awhile before one of other friends set us up. it lasted for a year and half and she moved away. it left me hurt bad, but we made it work out the best we could. in the end it just didn't make and i broke it off. i made the biggest mistake of the eighteen  year i have been living. i dealt with it the best i could it lead to taking pills and drinking. i spent the net five years looking back. After three years later and a lot of stupid stuff she came back but i could not stand not being without her. i mess it up more. six mouths later she was gone aging. i broke down finally and try something i am ashamed of. i still have time i dive back in the bottom of bottle of alcohol. i don't want to live like this but it hard after five years of hurting it fill like there nothing in me but pain and i don't know how long i can hold on for. if anyone can help let me know.  

vamp6291 vamp6291
18-21, M
1 Response Feb 18, 2010

i know exactly what you are going through.I found the love of my life at 16/17, he left when I was 18. He was suppose to be gone for 6 weeks, he ended up being gone for 5 years. For those 5 years I barely talked to him and never saw him, we didnt even try and make the relationship work because neither one of us knew when he would be back. He moved back to town about 8 months ago and hes not the person he use to be, obviously. I revolved my life about him coming back. Every guy I dated, every guy i was with was just there to fill the gap till he came home. Now hes home and he might as well have died. We've been trying to make things work for about 6 months now and we just grew too far apart.<br />
<br />
Ive attempted suicide a few times. I stopped caring about what I put into my body because all ive wanted for 5 years is to just die and end this misery. There isnt a day that goes by where I dont think of how badly I ****** up my life because of one stupid decision I made 5 years ago.