I Know Emptiness It Seems My Only Friend

I can't believe I lost my story, I suppose I must type it in word and post it. I am so tierd. Short form (for now). Artist, do computer stuff,rarely seen by anyone. Lost my dad in the ninetys, a dad I never knew except for a two week period when i was real young. he put a wielding rod in my hands and taught me to wield. I grew to become and electrician. He told me about quantum physics, blackholes and we toyed with trying to move the hands of a watch using telekenisis. I grew to paint a large painting called "Time Piece". This I painted to Honor the Millenium and to mark the passage of the sun into the constellation of aquarius with the precession (2021 Dec 22). I also grew to have a love of physics equations, time travel, and higher mathematics. I have by no means a talent for math, but a love for it. As I wrote last year In a diagnostic "letter to the instructor"( in ENG-COMP) " my intrests are too many to write here, but for the sake of time allowed I will be short and sweet. I love mathematics advanced to the point of where they meet god in metaphysics". this letter I recived an "F". retaking the course which I had dropped, again this year I hope to do better. My fathers death was one of many deaths to follow. In 2001 on the same weekend that I was born, mothersday weekend, I lost my mother. a little over a year ago I lost my sister on thanksgiving week to terrible death the poor girl was depleted of blood and due to her being wrongly give an incorrect blood type she died. lost stepdad then my fathers sister my aunt Robin to cancer. Interestingly enough my first assignment in my newly picked up english course .....Get This... EULOGY WRITING ESSAY. lost all but two of my friends everything from getting shot in the face to freak accidents to overdoses and death due to desease and illness. Recently I have realized I am old, made painfully aware of this fact attempting to go back to school for a degree in special effects (multimedia-computergraphics). If the instructors and students don't think I am a homeless man after student loan money they think I am a terrorist. Yahoo closed out my account that had the majority of "chat' buds in it. Attempting to find them or find new friends has proven difficult. In chat these days ( and I am by no means prejudiced) requires a working knowledge of arabic or the ability of translation to and from arabic. that or one who likes to prattle on about personal stuff to what is obviously a rudimentary form of artificial intelligence. When one becomes displaced socially  they may seem over eager and frighten away others by their ambition for some form of human contact. not unlike the plight of the jobless, homeless individual who is seeking and in need of a job is too often denied because he/she frightens a prospective employer. I have a need to share ideas and inspiration with others, to feel apart of a group. I just don't know how anymore. I'm growing so tiered of even trying. It would be so easy to just stop. stop and slip into the emptiness. face oblivion.

theghostinthemachine theghostinthemachine
41-45, M
1 Response Feb 19, 2010

you have had a tough few years,i more than likly would of giving up,but not u and your tring to better yourself by going back to school,somethink i wish i could do.You have such an intresting backgroud to.sounds like u are arabic but dont worry i wont hold it aganst u.911 really ****** up alot of the world.i wish we could all stop fighting with each other and see the beauty that life is.Stay strong