Depression A Recurrent Theme In The History Of Me

I have had depression on and off since I was a teenager, I'm now 25. It has come and gone and affected the course of my life. My confidence has been affected, though I seem normal and happy to most I meet. The truth is I am normal and happy most of the time I just have what feels like a ticking timebomb in my head. It goes off and my vision of the world changes, everything is hopeless, I am useless, pointless and worthless. It passes and then comes the hatered and feelings of unfairness 'why me?' why should I feel like this? And then I rationalise, my life isnt bad, I have friends, family and a point and the feelings are gone. But I know they are waiting somewhere for some impercievable trigger. I forget about them completely from time to time, but there are times like now when I feel that crushing weight on my chest and churning of my stomach and I cant p my finger on why until the tears come and I feel alone, angry and most of all sad. And I dont want to burden those around me with them, it upsets them, they dont understand, they present solutions to a problem I can barely define. So I now tun to this group and I feel better as I type, knowing you understand and dont think me odd or weak.

Thank you 

tearsandsmiles tearsandsmiles
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2010

I over the years have had the same thing....... the choice to be depressed or not comes with the mindest of I deserve better... Its hard truth to hear as when u r depressed u feel no one understands... then u have the thing of,,,,but u know this happend and they did this and that happened and blah blah..... I want to share a few simple things that turned my life around............ <br />
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One is the rubber band... I put a rubber band around my wrist every time i thought something negative I pulled it against my wrist... then said something postive and snapped it again eg... i am worthless....... affirmation..... i am worthy of every happiness and then so on............ at one point i almost considered taking my own life however i figured y give the deamons inside a victory when i know i am worthy of more... I did other things like affirmations in a mirror and so forth if you would like them email me...

I go through the same thing, i dont know why either but hopefully its something we r going to be able to deal w in the future good luck :)

Good job for reaching out and good luck. Everyone deserves to be happy.