Good Times/ Bad Times

I am a mother of 4 kids, grandmother to 1 and a wife....so who am i? I am a happy person some days that feels like i can conquer the world & the housework! but on most days i wanna lay in bed & cry. the housework piles up around me & i don't care.... on these days i feel so tired my body aches and i feel like the world & my family expects too much & gives too little. I have not been diagnosed with depression because i have no insurance so that makes me feel hopeless...no light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I need a dentist because my teeth are getting cavities & they hurt soo bad sometimes ( no insurance no help) I have these yellow bags that have appeared on my eyelids( close to my tear ducts) i have no idea what they are once again can't see a Dr. about it, they make me feel....awful they're awful looking they are just one more thing to make me feel like crap!! I am overweight which i'm currently trying to lose & i'm doing good so far but, when the depression hits again i'll lose the want to...that always happens. I am a great person who loves to have fun on my good days but, when the bad ones hit i just don't care....my poor kids they don't know what to think but, on the other hand they do nothing to lighten my load:( i sometimes wonder do they care? or are they just teenagers that are caught up in their own thing? who knows could be a little of both. Today i feel good and i long to hold onto to this feeling...who knows maybe i will be able to! if not i've crawled out of the hole before and i will continue to do so it's just too bad i have to do this for the rest of my life...but i will if i have too cause when my granchild comes over with her chubby cheeks smiling she gives me reason & hope.

woozey513 woozey513
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 24, 2010

I want to thank all who responded. It's so nice that you all took time to say something encouraging/helpful, i really appreciate it.

Hi Woozey,<br />
A few months ago I went to the doctor and cried, and cried some more. The biggest issue that came up was what I did with my personal time, and she didn't think I was depressed, just somber. <br />
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I came away pretty annoyed at feeling so stupid. I did sign up to flylady.net, which has helped no end with getting the house under control. It's also meant I have free time to do other things which have been neglected - do you have any neglected hobbies or interests? It might help you?<br />
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I think when you feel like this you really imagine yourself alone, I did. Little problems soon turn into nightmares, and all of a sudden you can't seem to get on top of anything.<br />
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I am not sure how to help regarding your teeth problem, but getting things in order that you do have control over might make feel more able to tackle other things that you think are out of your control.<br />
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Good luck and don't give up.