Strive?

                            After i graduated from high school, i join the Air Force. I was not a very good Airman. I take that back i was a good Airman i just sucked at my job. I was an Aerospace ground equipment mech. Pretty much i fix the equipment that serviced the planes. About a year in the military I get a call from my family saying they were going to lose the house. I didnt want that to happen so i took out a big loan to save it. Sadly the amount of money the Air Force was giving me was not enough. Soon after the air force found out i wasnt keeping up my payments and they kicked me out. I was lost at this time. I had no idea what to do with my life and to this day i still dont. .That was about 2 years ago.. But let us go back to what happend after i was kicked out. I lived with a couple of friends that i met through friends for about six months. they had these 3 kids 2 boys and a girl. These kids were looking for a leader.. but i was so emotionally F up that i couldnt help them. They lost their father because there parents separated and i was pretty much the fill in....but honestly i no words for these kids.. i couldnt even lie to them.. i thougth my life was at an end and i felt like i failed those kids too. I finally left their house and came back home to detroit where i reside now. I'm in college but i still have no idea what i going to do with my life.. i have no drive no will to succeed. NO dream. I dont even have friends to ride off of their dream.. i'm feel like a hollow shell just walking in time. whoa.. well that sounded really emo but that how i feel.

masterlynx2 masterlynx2
22-25, M
3 Responses Feb 24, 2010

I can understand the empty feeling. I still feel that way at times, it seems like it would take to much effort to feel anything. School is a good idea. Take time for us, and be yourself and get to know who you really are, not what others think you are.<br />
Good luck!!

I agree with my friend Scott you have gone farther than I will ever go in the military. I will give you an advice well actually more than one, first, get treatment for your depression ASAP and finish college. <br />
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Depression make us lost our bearing in life but you still have time to find yourself again. I am not saying that it is easy but it is worth it.

Wow... I'm kinda stunned. You pushed further then I could have. I never felt like I was acceptable to the military (or, anything really). You have a long life ahead of you... Keep pushing forward, life will begin to blossom thru the fruits of your labor... Yeah, that did sound kinda gay :D - Just don't give up, you are in lifes valley... a peak is coming, life will get better. Take care my friend.