Trying To Climb Out Of A Black Hole Thats What It Feels Like To Me

I have been living with depression for about 26yrs now in the begining i didnt want to believe that i had it over the years i was prescribed medication but as soon as it lifted and i felt better i would stop taking them and my symptoms would decend on me like a thick black cloud i kept yoyoing between feeling ok on tablets and the black cloud decending for years but as  i have got older my symptoms when not on medication have got much worse and now i make sure i take it all the time : my symptoms i cant focus my mind on anything happy i find it hard to concentrate on anything i don't enjoy anything i focus on death not killing myself  just i dwell on death and dying and read everything morbid i was quite good at hiding it from people at work and so on but as soon as i came home i was so tired from the acting and just cry i would rather give my right arm if somebody could promise i would never have to go through this ever again

tazzy3 tazzy3
46-50, F
2 Responses Feb 26, 2010

Hi Tazzy<br />
<br />
I understand what you are feeling.<br />
It is a tough battle.<br />
I found for me, that my life experiences contributed a lot to my depression.<br />
I feel better now, not perfect. I wish I could help.<br />
Sending you good wishes and feel free to message me if you would like to talk.

You should not stop taking your medication unless you doctor tells you it is okay to do so. Also, if depression goes untreated for too long it can cause neurological changes in the brain and this will be more difficult to treat. You should speak to your doctor about persuing a more detailed treatment, not only for the immediate symptoms but also to try and reverse any neurological damage it may have caused.<br />
You can feel good about feeling good.<br />
If your medicines feels uncomfortable, talk about it with your doctor. There may be better medicines for you, or some things that can help you through some discomforts of the drugs.