The Thing I Hate The Most About Depression....

You know what I hate the most about depression? Not feeling like I can really trust my feelings. When I get upset I always have the question running the back of my head "Am I over reacting? Am I under reacting? Am I just being crazy?" I know I don't process thoughts in a healthy manner. The thing is just because I know that doesn't mean I know what a better way always is. It sucks not feeling normal or feeling like I can't trust myself. Right now I work about 55 hours a week and I'm taking a class on-line. On top of that I am involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters and have a little brother Anthony whom I see once a week. Then I have a semi - religious group that I am a part of. I host our gatherings every few weeks because I am the person everyone knows and feels comfortable with the most. And there has recently been tons of drama and stress to the point where a couple of us are considering backing out. All this stress is really freaking me out big time. Thank goodness I have a vacation coming up. I'm going to visit my Granddad and my aunt Pam. Granddad has Alzheimer's and I'm not sure if he will know who I am. Last time I saw him he was asking me if I was his granddaughter. I love him so much and its hurts so much to see him so confused. I'm so excited to see him and my aunt too, but I know its going to be stressful seeing him due to his illness. I know my feelings are probably a normal reaction to the hectic life I have but I've been feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to deal with it all lately. My sink is full of dishes and has been for a while, I have a mountain of laundry and I still need to pack and shower. All I want to really do is sleep and watch t.v.

At least I have my vacation to look forward to. I love vacation. I can't wait to get away for a few days and just chill.

Burgandyrose Burgandyrose
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 9, 2010

The first part of this I can relate to completely - I question my feelings when I'm depressed too... I find myself questioning my decisions too... but then I question my QUESTIONING of my feelings and decisions.<br />
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That kind of questioning is always learned at a young age. There are a lot of ways/reasons we learn it. For me, I learned it because my parents never believed in me.<br />
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I believe that, at the end of the day, the only way to quell the questioning is faith - and I ain't talking religious faith, just faith in yourself.