A Bad Dream

Seems like theres a depressing pattern I follow most my life. I connect with people, get to the point where I feel unwanted or not good enough and withdraw and stay lonely until I get so fed up with it I try to get back up again. I had this thing going with my band until I got to the point where it felt like it was going no where and I became the butt of every joke so I had to break it up. I've lost count how many friends that have faded away because I stopped trying. Now I go on facebook and I see all my old friends having the time of their life and I'm pretty much where I left off after high school. Now I just live with my brother and his family in the basement and my two main sources of social life are my two ex band mates (who I rarely feel up to hanging out with) and my brother (who is I have to admit is a great brother but I need other friends). I've had my lame job for 2 years and I'm too intimidated and scared to find a better/new job or find new friends or people to date. I tried to find a psychologist the other day and it was just way awkward because I didn't even know where to begin. Seems like everyday is filled with an equal amount of misery and I'm just reliving a bad dream day after day. I hate to sit and whine about how crappy my life is but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Lookingforhappiness Lookingforhappiness
18-21, M
3 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I read some of your posts, I can see what you are talking about. I'v also experienced much the same through my life. I be 24 now, and I hope I figured out my problems, and may be give advice on yours. <br />
It sounds like you think a lot. Have you ever had the feeling that other people in the world get by so easily because they don't think about everything that you do? And if only you could numb your brain to the point that you could just continue on with the mundane things in life? If you have thought this, keep reading...if not just call me an *******.<br />
I think I started "recovering" from my condition from the moment I started to think that nobody else really understands, and if I want to get better, then it is up to me and me alone. It sounds depressing, but I learned to start standing up for myself.<br />
I didn't realize at first, but what I also started doing was noticing patterns in my life. I noticed that there were ongoing problems in my life, but that I was not alone, the problems in my life were in my family, on both sides of the family. Alcoholism, drug abuse, generally unsuccessful relatives, just waking up in the morning and trying to do as little as possible to get through the day. By noticing that I realized I was doing the exact same things. I had 6-8 jobs in 6 years, all unsuccessful and repeatedly avoided things that took too much effort to get in to. <br />
Now I'm going to have to shove you a bit. Please don't get offended, I know that I'm just some guy on the internet, so you don't have to give a ****. But what have you done to resolve your ongoing problems? Have you gone to the doctor? any kind of therapy (professional or religious)? Taking care of yourself, mentally and physically. If you have, then good. If you haven't then what do you expect out of yourself? What I see in the world are a bunch of people who have problems, but don't try to find out why. Start asking yourself: "why". I think people know how to feel, but they don't know how to think. Yes, when you start asking why, it can get depressing, but if you truly want to improve yourself then you have to look at the bad, but also find the good. If you cant find the good, then take steps to know that you are trying. Doses of true cynicism can be excellent for a confidence boost. I had nothing going for me, and cycles of suicidal thoughts, I'v pulled myself from the depths of **** at least 6 times. I had a dwindling friend base, increasingly becoming withdrawn, and I started hating everything. I did not want this life so my first step was trying anti depressants.<br />
Now I am fast forwarding though 6 years of muck, and am willing to share more in depth details. I could go on a huge rant of anti-doctor, anti-pharmaceutical, anti-religion, and more if you want me too, and I can be funny about it too. If you ask though. I might put some of it up on my own topic, I think I called it "I have a problem with life". I can also explain more steps that I took, and because I now am on RITALIN I can see that there were valuable lessons that I learned, and that other people should know. <br />
If you decide that my advice might be worth it, write back or something. Yes, I will eventually end everything by shouting to the heavens that I was right, I did everything for myself, I ultimately had no help, and that sometimes there is a drug to solve all your problems, well most of them anyway. I truly believe that I have some general healthy lifestyle tips, that don't involve prescription drugs, but ultimately it only all came together after I got Ritalin.<br />
Good luck man.

Im the same way with my friends and i whole heatedly agree with silverandice.<br />
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If you want someone to talk to him here to "listen".

You find reasons to abandon people because you're afraid they're going to abandon you.