Nothing But An Outcast

I've had a battle with depression for 8 years now. It started very young and has carried well into my adulthood. However the person that I love (which happens to be my deployed boyfriend) outright told me that he doesn't love me and changed his mind all of a sudden and doesn't know if he even wants me around when he comes home. I am so upset. I can't sleep at night and I have a hard time with daily functions. I just can't believe that he wouldn't have any stronger feelings for me after 7 months, going through his divorce with him, and this deployment. He deters away from any conversation that may potentially deal with our future. I have no friends that understand me or this situation. I am constantly surrounded by negative, I feel alone and little of my own self-worth. It seems as though I have depended on him too much and now it's coming back to haunt me. I can't help that I have a huge heart and want to love everyone, but he just takes my breath away. It hurts so much knowing that the feelings are not mutual. If anyone has any advice or knows anything to help, I'm all ears.

 

Meghan

Runin4rmfate Runin4rmfate
26-30, F
7 Responses Mar 11, 2010

Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

I know it can be hard with friends sometimes. I don't really have any except for at work, but they are all younger. my point is, I know it can be hard to find people who share your situation. Something you can do is seek out some counselors in your area. (if you are in school, they're are usually some free sessions that you can get per semester/quarter) some will do a free evaluation and at least point you in the right direction. some depression groups in your area would be a good place to vent and get advice from people who are in your same position. some even are online. you can start searching there if you'd like.

I am not going to just move on, it's not that simple. I have invested and gone through a lot right now. But Springsnow, when I get home I will be sure to read your blog!

Read my blog. Hopefully you won't feel alone as much as you do now. I know how awful and isolating depression is. I am on disability for bipolar with major depressive episodes that are completely debilitating. Here is my blog: http://iamscatology.blogspot.com/2009/10/on-major-depression.html<br />
It may be almost impossible to endure at times, but if I can you can too. I am here to talk if you need someone, Also, I am female so don't worry about the whole girl/boy awkwardness! xo

Move on, you're still very young

I have just invested so much and and put so much into this, I just want him to see. I haven't totally given up hope but if things don't change after a month or two then I will have to make a decision.

i know its easy for someone to say "forget him" but when you feel something strong towards that person is not easy to forget them but its not impossible. he may not be the one and his not worth suffering for but i sure that you'll find someone special.