Ashes Of The Past

I am the youngest, and if there's one stereotype about age order I believe in its that the youngest born are usually attention seekers. Ever since kindergarten I have always liked to be the center of attention and I possessed an unusual emotional intelligence for that. . I was happy but I had no idea what was to come. Middle school was a social nightmare for me. Every bit of self respect and confidence I gained from a spectacular childhood was taken from me. I stopped trying to be noticed but was so self conscious and insecure that I was always noticed. I was depressed, near suicidal at points, and had absolutely no social skills. I would just lay on my couch and watch television, terrified of what the next day would bring.This continued on into high school. I never had a girlfriend, was afraid to even speak to any classmates. It was 6 years of hell, and I believed my life to be worthless. I became vain, self-loathing, and angry and it took years of experience and education to pull myself out of it. I studied communication extensively and learned from the ground up how to communicate again. I conquered my fears one by one. I had always been deathly afraid of acting but I forced myself to take a class. Public speaking always terrified me, but I took classes and engaged in speaking opportunities any chance I could get. It scared me to death to go up and feel the eyes of everyone burning into me, but I found the courage to do it despite the pain. Now I feel almost no fear when I speak in public and actually like doing it. I feel like I am playing an instrument when I'm talking to people and I know which notes I must hit to connect with their souls.

I used to think all those years of mental torture were for nothing, but now I realize that it has made me stronger and has taught me empathy. Now, I can communicate better than most people I meet and I can read people in a way that very few others can. In an odd way, the years of pain that I went through were actually a blessing. My need for self-expression and connection would not Findinhave been as strong if I had a typical adolescence. I would not have studied communication as extensively. I would not know what its like to face a REAL fear. I know now that I must share this gift with others or it would all be a waste. I have risen from the ashes of the past. I have found myself.

BoderlandMan BoderlandMan
22-25, M
1 Response Mar 14, 2010

Nice thoughts.God Bless.