One Day, Existence Just Didn't Make Sense

I have an exact date range for when my troubles with existentialism started. December 25 2007- January 7 2008. I received and read a book that touched on some major philosophy ideas, about existence, morality, freewill, communism, existence of god, where the universe came from. And, you know. It shook me.

That book was the straw that broke the camel's back, or a lens that suddenly brought the picture that was my life and existence into focus.

I say it put everything into focus, but its complicated. I was able to see how reasonable the arguments for atheism, against biblical "morality," for an unfathomable universe, were. But these new truths just made my entire world make no sense.

"But, so capitalism ISN'T an immutable natural law of economics?" "The West is deeply imperialist?" "Christianity is a lie, an untrue form of mental slavery where, at best, you do the right things for the wrong reasons?"

Those ideas and more were all formulating in my head and suddenly became clear. So many questions. To make things worse, while I was struggling with these esoteric questions at an abstract level, I lost a friend to a cult, a close relative passed away suddenly, legal battles tore apart my extended family into factions, and my friends all drifted away amid changes with university and my growing social withdrawal, due to depression. I also suffered a serious injury that took over a year to rehab.

Depression, stress, and ruminating paralyzed me. I've been so alone. I've slowly worked through many of the philosophical questions I had, even achieved some kind of peace with existence. But I'm still so horrified with the world, and I feel utterly alone.

A great man once told me to emancipate myself from mental slavery. I did. But freedom, the truth. They are hard.
anomienous anomienous
22-25, M
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

Bob told me that too- emancipate myself...
Mine started - or rather - earnestly started- about 10 years ago when I informed 'god' that I was taking a break from him and all the rules that I was trying to live by. If he wanted to contact me he knew where I was. Heard nothing since. I am slowly changing my perspective towards what I would consider these last 10 years to have been an atheistic existence. Am about to quit my job and travel- not much money- but India is affordable...

Glad you got the Bob reference =]

Quit your job and travel for sure, at least for awhile. Its something I'm working towards in a few years too (after I pay off some debt and save up some money). I used to think I wanted to travel as an escape, but I think now its just- refreshing. I don't know about you, but I have a lot of baggage in the area I'm living in now, and I think travel for a year or more would be a really good way to clear out the oppressive atmosphere, you know?