I Hate Shopping Centres

Why can I just not walk around a shopping mall without wanting to vomit.  Im walking along with my partner.  My young daughter and son in tow.  Im feeling a bit nervy but reassuring myself that if i stay calm and think logically I can get through this experience without crying.  Im ok and looking around, then suddenly, I see a real pretty woman and my eyes direct straight to my man.  This may sound cliche but my throat does tighten, my tummy spins and the anxiety rises.  My head is racing with thoughts of "He's looking at her and he wants her".  "He wishes I was her and not me"  "im so not good enough. ill never be that pretty.  Why would anyone want me anyway.  Good things dont happen to me".  I dont want to sound up myself but I am a pretty attractive woman.  I know that much but I seem to attach so much value on physical quality.  Every time this happens my heart aches with unhappiness and I want to cry or be sick.  He tells me he loves and Im amazing and wonderful etc but nothing helps.  I can sit in front of the t.v and certain actresses come on the screen and I instantly feel angry, frightened, vuberable and just want the ground to swallow me up.

Why do men look at other women?  What is it they are thinking?  I want so badly to understand this and be ok with it.  These feelings are taking over my life.  They absorb the majority of my thoughts.  I even find myself daydreaming senarios of my partner staring at other women then cheating on me.

Please, please someone help.  I am often in tears just helpless to these feelings.  I know Im a decent and worthwhile person and looks arent everything.  Im fed up now. xx
Paigey77 Paigey77
31-35
2 Responses Jul 16, 2010

Thanks so much for your comment. You are right. Because at times I feel like society has put physical beauty on such a pedestal and Im so cynical. Its true, ive spent most of my life being told how pretty I am but not how intelligent or interesting. I always remember relatives saying this at family gatherings and among other influences seem to have attached physical beauty with status and worthwhileness. Ive always felt less than but have for the past four years been on a self searching journey, finding out who I am. I am in awe of those people who do not fit into the" pretty box" and still love themselves. I know this sounds so shallow. Im not actually a shallow person just in need of some new experiences I guess. Thanks so much for your advice. It really has helped

Most men like to look at women It's just an automatic instinct and we do it without even thinking. We're just wired that way and it's generally meaningless. I'm sure men check you out all the time but you just don't often notice because we can be pretty sneaky about it. ;-)<br />
Remember also that the world is full of physically attractive people - both men and women. They really are a dime a dozen and many are not particularly pleasant. Much rarer (and much more attractive) are those who are at peace with themselves and accept who they are. You've met people like this I'm sure. Those who are just centered, likable and spontaneous. They don't have to be physically attractive at all and yet people are drawn to them. The good news is that you can become like that yourself if you work at it. You've got to start nurturing yourself. Get angry if you must at that critical internal voice that says your not good enough but also respectfully listen to it (it is a part of you after all so should be respected) so you can find out where it came from. My guess is it goes back to the very beginning but understand that it's been wrong about you all along and you've made choices and lived your life under its sway for long enough. Old habits are hard to break and this is something that you will likely have to work on for the rest of your life but you can change your self-perception and feel good about yourself, just keep at it. I wish you well. I deal with similar issues.