I Was Doing Fine Until He Said....

Here I am 31 years old, with two daughters 12 & 7 from my husband. You see I have struggled with insecurities as long as I can remember. In my current relationship, I did get pregnant early in the relationship and while pregnant I found out he was sleeping with some girl. This girl thought they would be something - and he ended up ending it with her bluntly when she mailed a letter to the apartment and I read it.

Anyways... that was 14 years ago. I believe he has been faithful since, but I struggle. I struggle so hard believing I am enough for him and enough where he wont go have an affair or leave me for another woman.So I

Okay.. soooo Ill have several good months and a bad week.. then several good months and a bad week. Well last bad week, I accused him of texting or receiving pictures from another girl; he didnt talk to me for over a week. When he did he cried to me and told me everytime I accuse him it hurts him as the same as I would hurt if he was actually doing it.

SO I have been doing really good, I havent been letting my thoughts and worries get the best of me. THEN TONIGHT.. at dinner my daughter brings up this boy band and a member that I totally called out that she would like. He accuses ME of liking some 16 year old blonde boy band. Keep in mind I have never dated a blonde and my husband is hispanic. I told him no.. he tells my daughter mommy likes him. and JUST WOULDNT STOP. So I told him stop, thats irritating ,.. so now he says I told him that he irritates me and now I know how he has felt the last 14 years.

IF HE HATES ME THAT MUCH, and I HAVE IRRITATED HIM FOR THE LAST 14 years.. I secretly wish he would just leave me. He clearly would be happier. So after months of feeling good about myself I sit here sobbing and crying uncontrollably - listening to him make his remarks at me in the background that I dont get to cry and crap like that. I just tell him to please leave me alone, I am not bothering him and he needs to not bother me.

Ill never be the woman he wanted... Ill always lack the qualities he wants in a wife.. he really shouldnt stay with me.
mai52takn mai52takn
Dec 15, 2012