My Insecurity Is Ruining Me

Hello Everyone! I am happy that I am not alone in this situation. Many people look at me and the last thing someone would think is that I am insecure. I feel like I am living a lie. As I am typing this I am crying because I am very insecure. I have been in a verbally abusive relationship from 2007-2008. I've had many failed relationships with men that take advantage. I have sought therapy in the past, however I am at my wits end! My best guy friend who I met and dated in 2003 was the love of my life. We always managed to have a platonic relationship which I cherished. We recently reconnected in September and everything picked up exactly where it left off. Due to us living in two different states, plus me moving we had not seen each other in 4 years. My best guy friend is an aspiring artist has many fans and a company. I have been to his events and have been around him, however I could only hide my insecurities for about one month. I began to question him, ask him for reassurance. This led to many arguments. I even embarrassed myself and caused a scene at one of his events because I was mad at the attention he received from other women. Things came to a halt last week when he realized I didn't trust him and decided to end our romantic connection. He is very upset with me and feels as though if I don't trust him we would never work. He is extremely distant which has caused me to become clingy! I would text, call, plead. I feel like I lost my best friend and the man that I could marry one day. My insecurity ruined my situation and I am so mad at myself. I cannot sleep and now I feel even more insecure. I have no idea what to do and I am disgusted with myself! I have such low self esteem... I need help fast before I dig myself deeper into a hole ;(
NewBeginning4 NewBeginning4
26-30, F
Dec 15, 2012