Loneliness Is My Curse

I was one month old when my mother decided to leave me with my grandmom and she went back to the city. Uptil age of 4 i was raised by my grandmom in the village. Then my alcoholic, voilent, aggressive father came to take me to Hell called Home.
I was crying a lot i still remember he slapped me hard on the face and started hitting me terribly. Then the voilence started he would cut off my hair, tear of my clothes, throw me around like a pillow.
he was very abusive whole day he would be yelling and screaming and drinking. My mother was always supporting him and they would just hit me. she was never talking with me, no interaction, no hugging, no love.
My elder brother was very dominating, aggressive and controlling he would make me do his biddings, like remove his shoes, clean his cupboard.
whole day i had to do household work cleaning, sweeping, dusting, i was not allowed to play and no friends were allowed. I was not allowed to interact with people and not allowed to go out.
No body used to come to visit our house and even they did my parents had no manners to entertain them.
I grew up quite confused, lonely, sad and dejected. And afer marriage i have become more lonelier. My husband is off to work he leaves early and comes back late. There is hardly anyone with whom i can talk, whole day im lonely
When my hubby is home he is either watching TV or surfing net.
I have a child but he keeps me busy on my toes, when he is home and not in school. My child as become quite backanswering and abusive too...he doesn pay heed to anything i tell him.
the loneliness is killing me and even if i go out im unable to make any long term friends.
i do attend music class but not able to interact with anyone there.
its becoming unable to deal with loneliness.
i avoid my mother and brother now they have become quite narcisstic
Careers dont work for me....i get thrown out due to being too quite and introvert.
26-30, F
Oct 26, 2010