I Battle Loneliness

I used to be ashamed of the word loneliness, however, I have felt this way most of my life, even with people around me.  Now I have no one so i'm feeling the whole package.  I had an active life once with work and children, now my children have grown up and flown the nest.  I was always the one people came to for help.  Now I can barely help myself, after a lengthy battle with the doctors, I was finally given a blood test and found out I have Hypothyroidism.  taking pills was not helping so the battle started again.  I have recently found out I have Vitamin D Deficiency.  Every day tasks are hard to say the least.  I have no one, I don't see anyone from one day to the next.  My friends and family always let me down but I could deal with it when I was well,   Now I have no life its hard to deal with, the only guarantee I have is this illness.  They all said I'll be there for you, not sure when they meant, its been some months now.  One of my friends had said you've always been there for me and now its my turn.  She said I will see you on Tuesday only trouble is she never said which year.

Its hard to understand, people say your a nice person but you wonder are you really is there something wrong with me, apart from being ill.  I know for some, illness is boring especially if its on the inside.  If my leg was hanging off there would be concern, you can clearly see that.  You cant really see what my conditions are apart from looking ill or tired. 

I was at the hospital today,  funny really, I found myself looking at people, everyone seemed to have someone with them.  I found myself wondering about their lives.  Am I the only one on my own.  I'd book myself into an old peoples home but my age is a problem, so got some waiting to do.  Even thought, on a good day I could sneak in on their bingo night, I cant play but i'd soon pick it up but then I'm that slow I would be beaten to the last chair by the lady with a zimmer frame, infact the game would be over and they'd all be tucked up in bed before I'd made it thought the front door. 

I was looking online for a support group for people like me trouble is I cant find any they all must be home alone.  So here I am

Bella68 Bella68
36-40, F
Feb 19, 2010