I Am Truly Disgusting

I was a horny teenager and I wanted to lose my virginity. I wanted to throw it away. So I used the Internet, made friends with horny guys and sent them nude pictures. I'm a dirty good for nothing ****. They wanted me. They all wanted me and I thought it was so great but then when it came time to pick one to do the deed with my Christian raising came back and I couldn't do it. I decided to save my virginity. I had given none of them my address, real name or hopefully anything that would have allowed them to find me. I led them on, exposed myself and shut them down. I am a horrible person. Then a few months later I was raped. I deserved that. Was it one of the guys online? I'll never know. But I do know I hate myself for what I did and I deserve all my pain.
ginger1776 ginger1776
18-21, F
3 Responses May 21, 2012

You made a mistake man, you do not deserve to be raped. Being a teenager and horny is completely natural, it's a shame that stupid religious beliefs get in the way of that.

I think that is what's making you think you deserved to be raped. You didn't, I hope you understand that one day.

You are actually a woman with high moral values but you feel yourself to be a disgusting person who now deserves to be punished ! Listen, there are so many people who have done far more outrageous than you who don't give a toss whether they've hurt others or demeaned themselves .By the way no one deserves to be raped so stop chastising yourself and move on. You desperately need to be wanted and loved as we all do. So, use your horniness in a positive way and one day you will have a successful marriage!

Don't feel like that. You're not a ****. Like you said, you were a horny teenager and that is normal! At least you learnt from your mistakes and everyone makes mistakes. I got really drunk and a guy took advantage and I let him, that's constantly on my mind because it was so recent and I really do know exactly how you feel. But please find some worth within yourself because I'm sure you're a beautiful person inside and out. It is hard but try to be happy