I'm 14 And Want To Die

All kids go threw stages in life and people say you grow out of them, but what if you don't. I hear voices call my name, anorexic and want to die. Unlike every 14 year old, I hate the radio, I don't like frilly revealing clothes, and I especially hate bright colors. I'm alone in my own world and hate it so much. No one cares, no one will. My parents probably hate me to, just like everyone else. They think I'm stupid, a retard, maybe even a *****. I hate the world, I hate life, I hate myself. I became this at the age of 10 when the bullying started. They called me worthless, fat, ugly, and disgusting. I try to hide myself away but my parents always try to break my shell. My anorexia has a name, John. He helps me decide what and what not to eat. I'm 4'10 and have never been over 100 lbs. I want to be under 90 so I can be beautiful. I have nothing but bad thoughts about myself and harm myself. The most cuts I made was about 50. Whenever I cut, it feels like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel relaxed for that one second, then it goes away again making me want to do it more and more. I cry whenever I get a little upset because my barriers have finally broken and I can't stay strong anymore. I want to die. I want to end it all and disappear from this damned world I call home
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 16, 2013