The Bliss Of Oblivion

My tears are trapped within me like a sad story I must tell, and they gush forth at the most inappropriate times. But who am I to tell it to? Nobody cares enough to listen, and I don't blame them. If I see no worth than others should not be expected to.I hate myself; the way I look, the way I act, the things I say. I've gone to therapy in the past, but my depression has overwhelmed my ability to seek any help. I've stopped communicating with friends, and my interactions with my housemates become more awkward every day as I try to seem happy. In order to avoid panic attacks, when I am most upset and hating I cut. The deeper the better as I try to cut away everything that I hate about myself. If that happened, in the end there would be nothing to me. I'm not worth anything to myself, but more importantly I am worth nothing to others. I love a man who cannot love me back because I don't deserve it. He is leagues above me. I hate me, and I don't know what to do anymore. I hope to just shut off all emotion and go onto auto-pilot. Forever.

pathtoforgiveness pathtoforgiveness
1 Response Feb 10, 2010

=( I'm sorry to here that. Is there anyone you can talk to about it: friends , family.