Cutting..

Well Im 14,

And I started cutting a few months ago

I dont remember what was going through my mind when I first did

but I remember and this is typical and stupid

that my boyfriend cheated on me

it wasnt just a kiss

he had sex with her

while he was telling me my mind was swirling, and i got that heart dropping feeling

I went home after I found out and started cutting and crying alot

I didnt realize how bad I had cut until I actually stopped

14 cuts?

Big whoop right?

well I stopped because my best friend of 13 years came over for the night

The next day you expect to feel better, well I felt worse

I felt guilt

So I called up a very good friend and explained my situation

He was furious with me for cutting over a stupid boy

but he also stayed on the phone with me for 8 hours

my boyfriend called and apologised and whatever but i couldnt forgive him

and then he threatened suicide

so i felt guilty

a huge amount of guilt, so i cut again

this time deeper

i had now 44 cuts on my wrists

but it wasnt just that guy that made me cut its this constant pressure my parents hadve me under

they fail to understand or see me

anyways..

i had school the next day

and that guy was stayed on the phone with me for hours saw my wrist

i mean I couldnt hide it, 44 cuts on my left arm werent exactely easy to hide

especially when my school has required uniforms

he hugged me and made me promise id stop

and i promised

then another friend of mine seen only he was more of a brother then anything

and he snapped

he swore he wouldnt talk to me if i cut again

i stopped cutting for a while

until one day ( i still hadnt broken up with that boy..)

he hit me, right across the face

i was so angry, i cussed him off

and went to the bathroom where i cut prettydeep

deep enough to bleed through a almost blacvk dark long sleeved shirtt

i finally got up what it took to break up with the boy

with help from my friends i was able to let go of him

because he clearly isnt a good thing for me

my parents found out and wanted to get me help

but i managed to convinced them i stopped

my boyfriend is now that amazing guy what was on the phone with me for 8 hours

and is helping me through this

and i know i shouldnt grow so dependant on him to stop me from cutting

but i also stop myself alot

i always take a look at my wrist

which has 30 something scars now

and think do i want to do this to myself again

the answer is usually no

but when i think of the relief i felt its a yes

i where a rubber band around my wrist now so whenever i feel the need to cut, i snap it against my wrist as hard as possible

and i write alot of poetry and life experiences, and listen to music that relates to how i feel

I hope i can be strong enough to stop forever

CrazyChicky123 CrazyChicky123
13-15, F
Mar 5, 2010