The Struggle To Stay Or Leave.....

first I want to explain this comes from my response to a friend about what she is personally enduring in her life that i aslo have been through in the past it threw me into remembering how difficult it was to leave my ex the father of 3 of my children i went back a couple of times trying to work things out and in our discussion/venting /supporting each other this was my most recent response please feel free to comment either way ..and I was not concerned about grammar in the least so my early apologies and please no critiques in that area lol i don't care it was just rambling to one who is in that position i was once in ........ty

you aren't dumb nor to blame this is something so much more women deal with they just wont say because they know in all they already endure they cant add societies nor their families opinions on their shoulders.....the insanity of not knowing of second guessing ones-self can be maddening and yet we aren't able to just let go its partly a nurturing need as well as a need to be loved and cared for they beat our emotions and self esteem down so far that we forget whom we are we loose ourselves in what they slowly knowingly molded us to in our stage of blind love until it is too late our spines have been pulled and softened till they are mere jello controlled by them we doubt our own minds and hearts un-able to decide for ourselves and the insane cycle just gets uglier as it goes on and on we hate ourselves at one point for ever doubting them yet there is a nagging voice which tells us that we should leave go far away as possible yet that feeling the one fleeting moment when he seems so sincere so loving makes us want to believe one day he will be better one day he will remember those promises and how he cried hating how he is yet it doesn't come and we wait and wait becoming more withdrawn almost sickeningly obsessed with trying to make things okay again walking on eggshells every waking moment he is around praying he will pass out before he gets angry from another trivial thing headache developing from him playing that same damned song over and over and over again the song which when we do leave even though we hated it so much will be the one song to break us down remembering everything he had done and said good out weighs the bad suddenly because of a few annoying notes we had hated when with him now do nothing but rob of our security of the sense of pride for taking the steps ...bringing us right back to feeling we were so very wrong ...........
BlazedSoulsNix BlazedSoulsNix
41-45, F
1 Response Oct 4, 2012

that sucks