I Have No Life Anymore

Hi everyone,my name is Elona,I'm 25 years old.Sorry if my english is not very good(I'm not a native speaker).I have had hypochondria since I remember my self..Since little I was worried a lot about my body construction,any kind of small symptom,having panic attack ect.But till now this would not keep me from living a normal life..since I grow up more and start understanding more..watching the news,googling,hearing for people I knew die from cancer things start getting worse.Living with the fact every single day that this "could happen to me as well"..that I'll die.I refuse to go to do a routine check because of the fear the'll diagnose me with me with cancer any kind..and these 3 last months have been the toughest of all.I had a symptom and it took me 3 weeks to decide to go to the doctor.I went 2 times and they told is nothing to worry about and I do not need further check.but this did not comfort me.I live in a constantly terror sure that I have cancer and the the doctor was wrong and she missed sth.Or maybe I didn't gave my symptoms well enough!!I can't work,I don't go out,i don't eat and the worst of all I just found out I'm pregnant and I'm destroying not only me but the baby too!!How can I bring a child to this world if I can't do the basic..me string for me?!Tomorrow I want to go in the hospital again and do a full check and I'm sure they'll diagnose me with sth bad and I'm thinking what i'm gonna do after..I'm having suiciding thoughts..thinking I can bare it...what should I do?I'm so down..I can't live this way...
Elena26 Elena26
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

dear Elena,
I've been through similar stuff. to cut the long story short, there must be something wrong with your life besides hypochondria. Do you have any friends? A boyfriend, a husband? How well do you connect with other people? Are you otherwise happy with yourself? Confident? There are a bunch of things wrong out there and you're obsessed with the wrong ones. At least that's how it went in my case. The only thing that helped me was talking, talking, connecting with people, throwing all that **** out of me. I sort of walked around and told people how ill I was, how much i needed them, all of them, any of them, people,people,people. I put my pride aside and realised how pathetic and selfish I've been all the time. And I let all the important people in my life know that. Being alone and feeling alone all the time makes even a strongest person feel hopeless, scared and fragile.