Severe Borderline Personality Disorder With Schizotypal Features and Schizoaffective Disorder

The title is my current diagnosis.
For me it means that i can not work, i has gotten me a social pension, so im retired.

I dont like being outside, as i get many paranoid ideas, that people are talking about me, and laughing at me, i can literally hear them say my name, and the laughter properly has nothing to do with me, yet i still feel that its about me.

I cut myself, and it has gotten to be bad, for me bad is when it requires stiches, and ive tried that a couple of times, and some i haven´t gone to the er, even that i needed to, i dont like going to the er.

Last time i was psychotic, everybody i saw was different, my bf´s head looked like a balloon, that was blown up, and someone kepted breathing in it, another persons forehead was huge, and the dr that amitted me to the psych ward looked like a angel.

The worst thing is that i don´t know me, its like i´m missing my personality, like i have no core, im a empty sheell.
i have different me´s, but fake me is in control.
Priceless Priceless
22-25, F
7 Responses Jul 6, 2007

message me if you ever wanna talk <3

i suffer from borderline personality disorder and schizoeffective to

Hello....I completely understand what you are growing through. I am happy that you posted it because sometimes you want to let it out. I have been diagnosed as Schizoaffective disorder which is bipolar and schizophrenia. I am psychotic, a manic (literally) and I have Dependent Personality Disorder. I was born with it. But I didn't seek treatment until I was 20 years of age, now I am 25. I have been on some many different kinds of meds, so I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me because I think I am discovering that there is something else wrong with me I have to take a MRI, an EEG., an EKG, and ultrasound of my gallbladder, and a sleep apnea test. This is so annoying. But I wish better things for you. I hate to hear that you are going through all that. I will pray for you.!

I like that your retired :) it's a nice way to put that. i try not to think about who i am, because i have many me's and on each given day i am what i am, if im wearing some garish thing and everybody thinks im weird, then pft who cares,thts who i am, if i wake up and put on a sun dress and play lil miss demure, then that is who i am lol... bpd shouldn't have the word personality in, they should name it something else that doesn't basically put people down for being who they are. <br />
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good luck :)

good luck

Baloon heads, briliant :)

check out my blog you'll enjoy it<br />
http://eternalsunshineofthespiritualmind.blogspot.com/