Reflection And Fear.

I am a procrastinator. I have to force myself to do almost anything. I don't always feel like getting out of bed in the morning, but I just do it. I make endless lists of things that I have to do in order to muster up some motivation. Some days I only do the bare minimum of things, like the washing the dishes and laundry. I have a great deal of trouble even deciding what is the 'bare minimum of things' that need to be done. I waste a lot of time just contemplating what I should or should not do!

My life looks kind of nice from the outside. I spend quite a lot of time browsing in the market, trying to decide what to make for dinner. I sit in cafes, reading the papers, I go the movies by myself and I talk on the phone to my friends. I go for long walks around the lake and I read a lot of nice, soppy, feel-good novels. Sometimes I sleep in the afternoons, but I feel guilty about it.

I've always felt unmotivated and lazy, even when I do a lot. No matter how much I force myself to do, it dose not change how I feel. My boss at work even said that he was surprised by how much I manage to do in a day. But it doesn't feel like much. I don't feel very productive.

In the past 12 months, I don't know how many groups and classes I've joined but then lost motivation to keep going. So many things have gone by the wayside. Volunteering at the gallery, yoga, meditation class, my healing group, an exhibition I tried to organise.... all dropped!
A lady that I met told me that procrastination was all about fear... I wonder what others out there think of this?
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1 Response Sep 13, 2012

I be just written a long post with my story but you sum up how I feel everyday really well.

I ve read similar stuff about fear and procrastination. The one type of fear the strikes a chord with menus fear of not living up to what others think of me. That does explain some areas of my procrastination but not others. I don't see what fear has to do with me not being able to answer the phone when it rings or to call someone on their birthday.