I Think It's Happening Again

I know a lot of people say they've had an awful life but in my case this is true, I'm 19 years of age and have already experienced things no one should ever have to experience. I've gone through an eating disorder, being raped and sexually assaulted, watching a man kill himself, my dad attacking my mum, coming out as gay, having an awful job and plenty of people like friends and family dying ... but worse was my Dad. I fell in love with the girl I come out for and when we split up I realised my whole world came caving in, as if she was the only one keeping me up. I soon realised I was depressed and needed help, soon after I was put on anti-depressants but soon having side effects so bad I couldn't leave my house. I went through so much in a short amount of time I didn't know what else to do but wanted to commit suicide. I was soon referred to an institute by my counsellor but refused to go. I then met someone else and stopped taking the anti-depressants as I didn't want to rely on them, I'm now in a relationship but I know its not right whats worse is she's fallen so bad I can't get out of it, I've also started talking to my ex who wants to try again and I just dont know what to do. I've moved jobs but having trouble with my manager having trouble at home I think I'm becoming depressed again but I'm too scared and embarrassed to do anything about it! What should I do?!?! Help me please! :(
18-21, F
Sep 5, 2012