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Do Not Like This....

Yesterday and today have been not so good days.  I think it's mental and not physical.  I just don't feel good.  I am so emotionally drained.  I slept almost all day yesterday and I feel like I want to go back to bed now.  I feel scared and I feel like crying.  I feel like I want to be held.  I want someone to hold me and say, 'It's ok Lily!"  It will pass soon and then you'll feel better.  

It's been a long time since I felt this way for so many hours straight, let alone for a whole day.  It scares me that the bad scary days that use to haunt me for so long could come back and stay.  I don't want this feeling inside me to stay.  I want it to go away.  

I knew when I woke up yesterday that something was wrong.  I felt so tired.  I asked my husband if I could lay down with him.  I wanted to feel warm and loved.  Just feeling his warm body next to mine comforts me so.  I associate warmth with love.  Sometimes when I was a child, mom would let me sleep with her if I was scared.  I would feel her warm body and feel so comforted, protected and loved...

I know maybe, hopefully when I awake later, I will feel ok again....


TexasLily TexasLily 51-55, F 1 Response Apr 26, 2012

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You are so right somebodiesfriend. This battle is still in my head, the war is over but the memories still haunt me. Thank you for your kind comments. Oh and, my days aren't all bad. There are more good days than bad but it's still scary when it comes back. PTSD is a hard thing to live with BUT it could have always been worse...:-)