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Life Altering

I have had an anxiety problem for most of my life that I can remember. But this...is absolutely awful stuff. It has altered my life in so many ways its hard to explain it all. I used to love to drive. Now I dread even getting a vehicle. I was rear ended June of 2011. I was stopped in traffic on the highway in a construction zone. I saw the car coming from way back and I just have known right then that it was not going to stop. I prayed traffic would move, I was thinking of ways to get out of my truck and away from it, I put my hand out the window and tapped my breaks and nothing. So I grabbed the wheel shut my eyes and prayed. I remember the first hit and thats it. I was hit and bounced sideways into the car in front of me, then again onto the median and then down again. I woke up to a cold feeling like cold water going from my back to my toes and I thought at first I had wet my pants but I still dont know what it was to this day. The doctors say it maybe something with my siatica. I also smelled gas. There were 2 young girls standing twards the back of my truck and loudly asking me if I could run. I unbuckled my set belt and away I went. I was in total shock. I have Addison's disease and was this threw me right into crisis. Bleeding from my head and shoulder and back and I didnt even know it. I ran. I went numb at that point. It was an awful afternoon. Now, when ever I am stopped in traffic I see cars in the mirror and it doesnt matter if they are going slow or not it seems as if I am going to relive it all over again. I have been tempted to go through red lights at times its so overwhelming. My heart race's I get scared I start swetting and I feel as if I am going to have a heart attack. I hate it! I still have dreams, not as often but they are still there. I wake up feeling just like I did that day and its frustrating because I have to talk myself back into reality. The anxiety meds they gave me make me go to sleep so I cannot take them when I have to drive. I just want my life back and am working towards that. I avoid highways at all costs and it may take me longer but I dont care. The way I see it is if I am going to get hit again it will be at a slower rate of speed, and I do not want to see it coming.
lisamarieme lisamarieme 51-55, F Aug 11, 2012

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