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Just Me....

Diagnosed a while ago.
Probably strugling with ptsd all my life.

Still trying to accept the fact that my biological parents didnt want me and my adaptive parents tried theire best but it didn't workout.....
Not them to blame.

But because of it,I can't help feeling rejected alone and very ,very angry at the world.....and everyone in my surrounding. Especially my partner has to eat my **** alot while he is my rock that's keep me alive and steady. I'm not joking by the way...
Distruction and chaos is all that Iam.

Always inbetween being oversensitive and emotional numbness.
I can feel the pain of a child,just felldown on the playgrnd just infront of me.
Or when I get beatenup by a group of 3 people,I do not give A kick.... I do not feel. I go true it like having a day to day conversation...
My rational thinking tells me it I'll come my way,meaning that I will turn to my self with so called distructive behaviour. by o.d or using,cutting my arms so I see I'm alive. By fighting random people on the street. Or by sleeping around just for the sake of having sex,to feel other than the pain that eats you daily
considering death as a true and only option to be released of all of this.
Being 30 and desprate for An Anwser
........ Anyone with similar story......
javspucca javspucca 26-30, F 1 Response Dec 31, 2012

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I'm sorry to hear that but what is ptsd exactly

.. Hi fab girl, ptsd,short for post traumatic disorder. mostly cause of a traumatic event, you get depressed, think on a strangest moments you think you back in the same tr.event. a noise,someone looking at you,or even a sent,smellcan trigger this. And it can cause slot of stress,besides that,a person really feels the same way as in tr.event.also reacts the same way. But being in a total softens,safe situation. Expl. A militair coming from war,reacts very upset while hearing fireworks. His brain is trigger by the sound of the firework,and automatically he is back in war,and trying to get out. their are many forms of therapy,and some medication. From pers Experience I think therapy,talking about tr.event,works best. Thanks for your question,I hope I'm clear. Because English is not my first languish.. j.pucs